March 18, 2012

How is it that I can be SO proud and yet so heartbroken at the same time?

The decision has been made.

If you follow me on Twitter (which is a totally pointless thing to do since I rarely tweet anything worth reading), and you have been counting you will know that Man-Child has been accepted to all the colleges he applied to last year, including the Number One school on his list.

Yes, we are very proud.  As is he.  Then it came time to make a decision.

He immediately ruled out two (and I breathed a sigh of relief.  Mainly because I didn't think the one would be a good fit for him and because the other one is more than three hours away!).

Secretly, Hubby and I were hoping for one school - even if it meant more money - because it is only an hour away - maybe less (depending on who is driving).

He continued to flip-flop between the two.  I even offered to take him back to both schools so that he could refresh his memory of both campuses.  He put me off - apparently it was too heart wrenching for him to spend the day with me sobbing and hanging on to his ankles crying "PLEASE don't leave me!" again.  Apparently, the first time around was really tough on him (if he thinks that was bad then maybe I shouldn't be the one to drop him off when the time comes?)

Last week, he claimed to have made the decision.  After all the waffling, I didn't believe him.  But today he made it perfectly clear.  He wants to go to the school other than the one we were secretly hoping he'd pick.  It's about two to two and a half hours away (depending on who is driving).

I have reminded him again about the beautiful school(s) we have right here IN town.  AND I even offered to drive him to school every day.  He wouldn't even entertain the idea.....the ingrate.

So I guess it's really happening.  Tomorrow we are sending off his acceptance and the deposit.  And by August he will be gone.

Out of the house.

Not here.

We will be alone and looking at each other and wondering what we will do now.

Little did I know that sending him off to kindergarten looking like this.....

All cute and sweet
 Would, twelve short years later, lead to this.....

All handsome and eager to jump ship

How are we supposed to adjust to a household of just two?  After seventeen years of having him here?  After seventeen years of "Mom!  Can you....?"  "Mom!  Will you....?"  "Mom! You HAVE to...!"

(oh sure, there were some "Dad!  Can you's" thrown in there - but not nearly as many, by my count).

After all these years of being US.  Being OUR little family.  We are now supposed to somehow just let him go?!

Pour me some wine and hold me.  I don't know how I'm gonna make it through this; especially now that I see it's really gonna happen.  He's really going.

And he will do great.  And he will be fine.  He will succeed and become the man that he is meant to be.  The man that we have spent seventeen years raising.  And he will make us even more proud.

But my heart?  My heart will never be the same.

Cutting those apron strings and telling him to fly is going to be the hardest thing I've ever done.

16 comments:

  1. Do you read the comic strip Zits? I can't help but think of moms like you when I read it. Your beautiful Man Child isn't going to China, after all, Mom! Just three short hours away... but I'm making light of your distress, and I shouldn't. I do hope you will be fine because I care!!!

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  2. Thanks for making me cry! These damn kids, Hailey moved out, granted its practically across the street but I still can't see her face every morning, now this. Remember when graduation seemed so far away? I'll chill the wine, lets do an twitter wine party or a yahoo chat so your friends can help you over the tough part.

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  3. OK, devil's advocate for just a second...the distance he will be going is actually perfect. It gives him enough space to find his footing and really learn what it means to be at college and on his own, but at the same time if he has a bad day he can drive himself home and get all the support and love he needs from y'all.

    Now...booohoooooo, why must they leave us?! 17 and 18 year old boys are NOT old enough to be going out on their own and they need to pack us in their bags and keep us right by their side. Who will tell them to shop around for the cheapest used textbooks, remind them to eat at the cafeteria because even though McDonald's has a $1 menu they will need that money for emergencies, to not procrastinate when a big paper is due because something always goes wrong with the computer and/or printer if you wait until the last minute, and that all those pretty co-eds are not worth failing classes over? Who????? I'm sobbing right along with you Gigi. Tell that boy that he must call or text you every.single.day. Or else.

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  4. Okay, since this comment is from me, you know what to expect... right? Well, here goes. Prepare yourself, Gigi, it's the beginning of the end of his need for mothering. Granted, he'll still need plenty from you, just not of the apron string variety. Find you a good, cheap wine and stock up!

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  5. You can't imagine how pleased we were when our two went to Uni!

    Didn't hurt at all, 'cept financially!

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  6. OH BOY- I cannot even think of this! I agree- both exciting and excrutiating!! You and hubs will reconnect, remember why you married each other, you'll blog and find fun things to do, I know it!!

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  7. I have no idea how I'd feel but remember that the time spend with him now will be precious and that he will come back on holidays etc ready for you to 'mother' him.

    BNM

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  8. The sportsman and I will be that way in a year . Let me know how well it works out. Or what new things you try. I'm not looking forward to it that's for sure .

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  9. I can't bear it when mine do a week's skiing with school...but the thought of them actually LEAVING...poor you Gigi x

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  10. Both my eldest and middly have left home and I will never adjust. I am always hoping that they will decide to move back home but they are so happy where they are so I feel bad about wishing them home. I have friends that complain that their children are so dependent and do not want to stand on their own feet. I am at the opposite end of the spectrum, I keep thinking "Why are mine so independent"

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  11. Oh man! I cannot even think of this......I will end up in the looney bin rocking back and forth in a corner. ((hugs))

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  12. No way Gigi, cutting the strings and watching him soar will be the proudest moment of your life, your heart will not be the same cause it will swell, much like the Grinch, when you see what an awesome young man you have created....and Ive said it before.....he will be back. In the meantime, you and the hubby can run around naked!!!

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  13. One hour away would be great, but even three hours isn't the end of the world. You could visit the odd weekend (see, if YOU visit then HE isn't bringing home weeks of laundry).

    Great photo of man-child. Dashing and 007-ish in the tux.

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  14. Do not despair my darling Gigi, he will still be "Mom...can you..." from 2 and a half hours away. My brother is 40 and he still "Mom...can you"...

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  15. You are doing him the best service he could ask for - you're allowing him to (slowly & eventually) grow into a man. You've done good Gigi, he'll make mistakes and do things wrong, but it's all necessary so that one day, you can be proud of not just the teenager, but the man he'll become.

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