August 2, 2012

My Scariest Moment.....The One Yet To Come

Why yes, I am doing the link-up, blog hop, whatever-you-call-it, from MamaKat's Writing Prompts.  I know I don't normally do this kind of thing (the PRESSURE - the REMEMBERING to actually do it!) but as soon as I saw this prompt it practically wrote itself....

I've had many Scary Moments in my (*ahem*) very short life.  There was the time someone broke into our house via my bedroom window....as I was sleeping.  I thought it was my brother sneaking into my room to either take something I had or scare me; so I promptly told him off.  Until he responded he wasn't my brother as he reached toward my bed....whereupon I promptly brought the house down with the screaming and carrying on as he fled.  Yes, that one WAS pretty scary.

Then there was the time I found a snake in my bed.  Yes, a real, live snake.  I had come home from a night of teenage revelry and crawled into bed with the lights off.  I felt something cold and I pushed it away.  Then I felt it MOVE.  I brought the house down with that one too, come to think of it.  I still blame my brother for that one even after all these years; I don't care what he says - I KNOW he did it.

Or, when I finally went into labor and realized that Oh-My-Hell-This-Baby-Is-Coming-Out!.....and the following days when I brought that sweet baby home and realized Oh-My-Hell-I-Don't-Know-What-To-Do-With-It.  Terror stricken moments to be sure.

Or, the first time I got the call that MC had been in an accident....and then again when he called about the wreck.  And then, watching from the sidelines as he was injured not just once, but twice on the field in one, short season.  As well as a few others along the way, memories of which I've somehow managed to suppress.  Those darn kids....they sure know how to terrorize you; don't they?

Of course, we can't forget the terror I felt the day I got the call that Hubby had been let go from his job.....and, frankly, pretty much every day since then.

But I think, without a doubt, that the most scariest moment is currently looming.

In a few weeks time now (yikes!) I will be dropping that boy off at college.  I will be cutting the apron strings and watching him take his first step into a world where I am not.  A world where he will be presented with choices - choices that I don't get a say in.  A world where he will have to make decisions without my input - and then live with the consequences.

It terrifies me to let him go (although, I do know that it is time; and I think I have made my peace with it....until I actually have to DO it).  I have held him close all these years and nurtured him and loved him and cared for him.  And now, to just walk away?  That is the scariest moment of all.

But I know in my heart, despite the little voice that keeps saying, "Are you SURE, you did the best you could?", that I HAVE done the best that I could in raising him.  I know that he is a good person.  I know that I can trust him.  I also know that he will make mistakes - and learn from them.  I know all this and more about him.  I know that he has all he needs to go on and begin his life - without me hovering in the background.

And I know that I will still be here to help him where I can and that he knows that he can always turn to his parents for unconditional love and support.

And I know, it's time to let him go.  And, truthfully, that scares the ever living hell out of me.

3 comments:

  1. I felt the same way, so I know all about the doubt and pain it takes to let them go. My middle Son told me like this... "Mom, you've got to let us fall on our own a$$!" Yep, he was right!

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  2. It's so hard to let go of our loved children. But you are doing it, and it will get better. That snake was pretty scary, even to me. Do you really think your brother would do such a thing? :-)

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  3. It really never gets easier does it? Hailey is married and I still want to make sure she makes the right choices and is careful and doesn't make questionable friends...sigh....at least there is only one of her!

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