Struggling yet thankful.

I'm not gonna lie, I've been struggling a bit.  Yes, I remind myself of all that I have to be thankful for everyday.

But I have to say, a lot has been going on over here.  No, nothing too monumental or life altering (thank goodness!) but enough that I have been struggling to process it all and it continues to take up space in my brain.  And wrestling with how I should handle some of the things.

Work things.  Like a lack of communication from a key person.  Well, that's not quite right.  It's not so much a "lack" of communication and more of a "refusal" to communicate.  In all my years, both here and elsewhere, I've never run across such a situation.  Whenever I point out the obvious, it's laughed off.  As is everything else.  It's like this person not only doesn't value me or appreciate what I am capable of and thinks it's all a joke.  To be honest, this is probably the not the biggest thing that I've been wrestling with over here but it is a biggie considering that I have to deal with this on a daily basis.  The icing on the cake?  Being told by my old manager that this behavior will not change any time soon and that there is nothing he can really do about it.

Thanksgiving.  What can I say?  I can't believe it's next week and I'm no where near ready.  Yes, I realize, I don't actually cook the dinner but still - I do have my part.  But considering what I have to deal with this weekend any and all prep time I may have had has been reduced to a single day.  Which wouldn't be a huge deal if it was just the three of us, as I initially expected.  But no, I've been informed that Man-Child's girlfriend and her mother and sisters will be joining us, which is fine really.  But this house?  To say it needs some work is an understatement.

And can we talk about this house?  All the projects that I want to get done are swirling in my brain.  And yet, nothing is getting done.  Not even a little bit is getting done.

Speaking of this weekend...it will find me jetting my way to Arkansas.  Yes, Arkansas.  Why might I be heading to Arkansas voluntarily 5 days before Thanksgiving, you might ask.  Because I have the unenviable task of attending my very favorite aunt's memorial.  The aunt who was my second mother.  I am well and truly an orphan now.  And my heart is completely broken.  If it weren't for the fact that my cousin is hurting so very much and needs support, I have to wonder if I would be headed that way for a memorial at this point.  Apparently, after my aunt died, my cousin didn't/couldn't face a funeral - which I understand, so there wasn't one, had there been, it goes without saying that I would have been there.  She said she would have a memorial later.  Until I received notice last weekend, a mere 6 days later, that they would hold it this weekend and when she said she needed me what else could I do but say yes?  That's right, nothing.  So I will be there.

Of course, right before I received notification that I would need to fly across the country, I began "trying to get an ear infection" - my doctor's words.  So, I've been trying to overcome that before I get on the plane on Saturday.  As you know, when you don't feel well, everything is overwhelming.  I'm happy to report I'm on the mend and hope to be able to fly without any excruciating pain on Saturday.

And, of course, there was the lead up to the election, the election and the aftermath.  You know, I don't do politics here, but I just want to say the whole thing was ugly from the beginning.  We discovered just how ugly we can be, as people.  I hope we've learned something from all this - particularly about empathy and kindness.  Unfortunately, as screens continue to be something some of us can hide behind, I have my doubts.

There was also the whole party that was thrown into my lap.  Which, I have been told, was a complete and total success (finally!  ONE thing that worked out!).

So maybe, that's my way forward - handling each little thing as I have to - rather than trying to deal with it all at once.

Actually, that's my only option at this point.

Now about Christmas...NOPE.  Not even ready to think about that yet.  I keep telling myself I will get back on track but every year seems to throw me further off track.

At any rate, I AM thankful.  And considering this will probably be the closest to a "Thanksgiving" post that I'll get to this year...have a happy Thanksgiving and remember that I count each of you as a blessing and am thankful for you each and every day.

xo