August 30, 2011

It's amazing what changes a year (or seven or eight) will bring.....

As I sit here and type this I am in shock.


I am remembering way, way, way back when my little guy (still only 4!) started kindergarten (he barely made the cut off date.  We only sent him because we felt he was "ready" and figured we could always hold him back if it turned out he wasn't.  I mean, seriously, it's kindergarten).

Turns out this child of mine takes after his mom; because he EXCELLED in school.  Truly.  The only issues we ever had was his "exuberance" and his penchant for SHOUTING out the answers (although that, obviously came from his father.  Because I never did those things!).

Seriously.  These were the only issues the teachers ever brought up in our meetings.

Then came 5th grade.  What happened, I don't know.  (I still blame his father)  But all of a sudden, this "super-star" became an "okay" student.

Don't get me wrong.  He passed everything.  But never put in any effort.  Ever.

As in he wouldn't turn in his homework.  He'd DO the homework; but never turn it in.  He'd do a project - but it would always be at the last minute and it would be the most slapdash thing you'd ever seen (even with me giving direction at midnight - I admit, some of these projects I was ashamed to say I had a hand in.  And I must point out, had I known about these projects previously we sure as hell wouldn't have been doing them at midnight!); but somehow would pull an okay grade (this really made me crazy!).

Drove me INSANE!

We talked about it.  We punished.  We begged.  We were at a loss.  We had no idea of what it would take to get through to this kid.  How to impress upon him the importance of doing well in school.

Nothing changed.

We knew he could do better if he'd just "apply" himself.  But he wouldn't.

Now, we aren't the type of parents that insist on all A's every single time - OR ELSE.  All we ever asked was for him to do his best.  And clearly, he wasn't.

I despaired (and blamed his father - because surely this had something to do with HIS genetic makeup).

But then Man-Child hit high school.  And life, clearly, wasn't the same anymore.

We struggled through his freshman year.  But the struggle wasn't as strenuous.

His sophomore year - a bit better.  A little better planning, homework was getting turned in - eventually.

His junior year MUCH better.  Awesome planning.  All homework turned in.  Albeit, some of it still done at the last minute; or late - but the frequency of this was much less than the previous year.

But so far this year (knock wood)?  His senior year - is off to a stellar start.  Especially considering he just made me sit down and listen (for the better part of an hour) to his "plan" for his first project.  Including all the supplies he would need to complete said project.

The project that still has some time to go before it is finished.

All is right with the world again.  Because CLEARLY (despite the slight deviation) he takes after ME.

I always knew it.

August 29, 2011

Guess what I made???

Any guesses?

It all began, because I was bound and determined to make sure this boy of mine was eating a good breakfast in the mornings; and besides....he needs a little nurturing now to "remind" him to come home and visit me EVERY. SINGLE. WEEKEND next year when he goes off to college.

We all know, I DON'T cook.  Period.  Sure, I can bake but that is TOTALLY different from actual cooking.

Anyway.....up until last year breakfast (lunch and dinner) have been Hubby's domain.  I stayed out of it.

Well, after the situation last year things have been in kind of a tailspin and breakfast, especially during the week, kind of became a catch-as-catch-can situation during the school year.

Which basically meant that Man-Child was eating crap or going to a fast food joint and eating more crap.  Now don't get me wrong.  I don't mind crap every once in a while; in fact I even enjoy it on occasion.  But a growing boy needs to start his day out with a decent meal most of the time.

So, at the advent of this school year (which began last Tuesday) I have been making him breakfast during the week.  The only problem? My skills are very basic.  Which pretty much means eggs (scrambled); pancakes (which takes too much time usually) or cereal.

Since Man-Child isn't a huge fan of eggs you can imagine his disappointment when he came downstairs this morning to find me making....eggs.  Again.

(What? They are quick.  They are easy.  And they are full of protein!)

After some discussion over said eggs of other things he might like for breakfast (not many of which included protein by the way.  So any suggestions?) I came away with a few "do-able" for me ideas.

He likes cereal.  Okay.  He likes oatmeal; especially apples and cinnamon.  Or maple syrup and brown sugar.  Okay.  He likes granola and yogurt.  And fruit.  He likes fruit.  Okay.  He likes bacon.  Okay.  He likes link sausages.  Okay.  And he likes pancakes, waffles, any kind of muffin, banana bread, and basically any pastry you can name.  Okay!  I can do all that easy enough.  I also did some Google searching to see what I might come up with.

Then I hit the grocery store.  But holy cow is granola expensive!!  So I did some more Googling.

And came away with this recipe.  Not only is it super-easy to make it is really inexpensive!  I think I spent about $3.00 bucks for a HUGE can of rolled oats - the rest of the ingredients were in my pantry.

The recipe claims to make ten cups.  But I don't know.....

That looks like an awful lot of granola!  Hopefully, it freezes well...otherwise we will be sprinkling on it on everything!

Then I had a nibble (burning my fingers because it was still hot) and OH MY!  Is it yummy!  I might add just a *touch* more sugar and vanilla next time - but otherwise? Perfect!

And?  I have MORE than enough rolled oats left over to attempt homemade oatmeal.  Watch out, hubby!  There is a new cook in our kitchen.

August 28, 2011

Apparently, I've become TOO much of a hermit....

As you know, I've pretty much been a hermit this past year or so.....what can I say? I've been...a bit preoccupied, you might say....

Well, one crafty girlfriend had the nerve to have her son's birthday party today.  She knew I wouldn't deny her son!  How dare she give birth two years ago today to the cutest little guy ever (besides Man-Child, of course).

When we walked into the house, she grabbed me into a tight embrace and then pulled me into the nearest bathroom.  Where she hugged me tight.  She wouldn't let go and began to cry.

Which, of course, made me cry.  (Fabulous entrance into a party wouldn't you say, with tear-swollen eyes?  Luckily, the honoree didn't notice; as he was too busy bouncing off the walls from the excitement of it all).

Between that welcome; another comment recently made from another dear friend and Man-Child's constant checking on me tonight during the party, I'm thinking I might need to venture out into the world a bit more.

Apparently, people are beginning to worry.

*I* think I'm okay.  And you think I'm okay (right??  You do think I'm okay?  If you don't, please don't say so aloud - because seriously? I don't need to worry about anything else just now.  Tell me later that you were worried - after everything else is squared away.  THEN?  Then, I can deal with it; but not now.) So what are they so worried about?

I'm fine.  Really.

Now, how to let them know that I'm really okay.....

August 26, 2011

Attorneys vs. Accountants; Miscellaneous Stuff; Bloggers and Lurkers....

Dear Big Boss.....

If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times, you CANNOT open an Excel spreadsheet in Word and then expect to make changes to it!

I realize that you are a "lawyer" and not an "accountant" but I would think after about the third or fourth time (in a month) of me telling you this - it would begin to sink in.  I mean, you passed  "the Bar" and all, so you should have some sense about you.....right?!

My next step? Putting a HUGE post it note on your monitor that says "If it's from Accounting - open in Excel."

Your servant,


Dear School Athletic Director:

I realize that we must play other teams within our "conference/division level" (what THAT means, I have no idea), but are you seriously telling me that the only teams in our "conference/division level" within the state are located (at a minimum) at least an hour away?!  Somehow, I seriously doubt it.

Sincerely (as I gear up for a round-trip FOUR hour drive to and from next week's game)
A Parent


Dear Fellow Bloggers:

Use YOUR voice, please.  I beg you!

Don't try to use someone else's voice.  It doesn't work.  It comes across that you are trying too hard and that you aren't being sincere.

Sure, the person you may be trying to emulate is insanely popular (seriously; are we in high school here?), but it doesn't translate if it's not YOU.

As our mothers always told us; be YOURSELF and you will be loved for who you are.

Me (who would much rather hear YOUR voice)


Dear Lurkers:

I see you!

Yes, I do!

I don't usually call you out (because sometimes, I've been known to lurk too).  But come on out.  Say what you have to say - agree or disagree (just be nice about it) and you will be welcomed into the group.

I promise.


Letters of Intent is hosted by Julie.  Go visit, link up.  She's fabulous.  I swear.

August 22, 2011

The end of life as I know it.....

The alarm clock is set for extra early tomorrow (what?  I KNOW I already get up at a ridiculously early hour; I *need* that extra time to set aside as ME time in the morning; so I don't bite the head off anyone who actually speaks to me in the morning - trust me on this one; just ask Hubby)....

(why yes, I do realize that the time showing on the clock ISN'T ridiculously you know how hard it is to press the button to show what time the alarm will go off AND hold the phone steady to take a picture of it at the same time is?  No?  It's HARD!  And yes, I know it's blurry.....again, I'm using a PHONE to take the picture!  Besides, it's a digital clock and we all know that digital numbers are NOTORIOUSLY hard to take a picture of . . . since they blink and all...)
The coffee maker is ready to go - with a couple extra cups thrown in (to make up for the EXTRA early time that the alarm will wake me up.)...

Again, with the blurriness!  I KNOW!  It's a PHONE, people! Sheesh! What do you expect?
So what does all this signify?

The end of summer.

The end of it all.

The end of the quiet mornings where I can have my coffee in peace; left alone to catch up on blogs, read the paper and do whatever it is I want in TOTAL silence.

Ahhh, how I relish the silence of those quiet mornings.....

No.  It's all over.  Tomorrow is the first day of school.

The first day of trying to wake up a grouchy kid (who, incidentally decided it would be a good idea to go out the night before the first day - using the "but MOM! The Giants are playing!  And you KNOW we don't get those games here!" excuse.  Fine.  I let him go with the stipulation that he had to be home by 10:00 pm.  You and I both know that whether or not he goes out; he STILL won't be asleep before midnight or later anyway).

The first day of "I forgot!  I need lunch money!" or "I forgot!  I need you to fill out this field trip form!" or "I forgot!  Can you help me format this 15 page paper - that is due TODAY - this morning?"

The first day - of the LAST year - of having him home to drive me insane in the early morning hours.

Ya know?  After looking at it like that....I'm gonna miss those early morning moments of insanity....

August 19, 2011

Letters of Intent

Every week Julie hosts Letters of Intent.  And every week I plan to join (and follow the links).  And every week I fail.  But NOT this week. This week, I'm actually ready.  So here we go!

Dear Hubby:

I'm always right.  After twenty years of marriage you should know this by now.  Accept it and move on.  Then your life won't be so hard and mine will be just a *tad* less stressful.

And you also should know by now that if MY life is less stressful then it stands to reason that yours will be too.

Lots of love,
Your VERY Stressed Wife (quit adding to it already!)

Dear Lady at Jersey Mike's:

There is a protocol here; especially at lunch-time during the work week.  I understand that you might not "get" said protocol so my advice to you is this....if you don't "get" the protocol then get OUT of line and watch and see how it's done before you decide to jump in.  It's really not difficult and I think once you see it done once or twice you will be ready for it.

First you walk up to the counter.  They ask what you want.  You reply.  You move to the left.  When it's your turn, they ask you how you want your sandwich.  You respond and move to the left.  When it's your turn, you pay, take your sandwich, etc. and  (this is important) get the hell out of the way!

You do NOT walk up and just stand there and ignore the nice kid behind the counter while you proceed to chat with whomever it is you've just met/run into - because when you do he will then ask the next person what they want; which would be me.  You cannot then - keeping your place in line - order what you want and then FAIL to move to the left while continuing your chat.  This screws up the whole process.

Once you FINALLY realize that you must move to the left to tell them how you want the sandwich don't forget to then again move to the left to pay.  This leaves frustrated customers behind you - you know customers that actually only have a limited amount of time for lunch since they work and don't have the luxury of taking their time during the lunch hour.

Once you again FINALLY realize that you must move to the left to pay - do not answer your cell phone.  Again, it leaves VERY frustrated customers behind you (again, that would be ME!) as you attempt to talk to the person on the other end of the phone and the cashier at the same time all while fumbling around trying to find your "frequent customer card" (really???  Apparently, you aren't a frequent customer since you don't know the PROTOCOL!) and your debit card.

If you'd just follow the protocol (which is very much like the Soup Nazi, I know) all of our lives would be much easier and I wouldn't have the urge to throttle you.

A VERY aggravated and hungry woman.

August 17, 2011

How come I'M doing homework and school hasn't even started yet? Or...if you have any ideas; I'm all ears

So, Man-Child has dutifully read at least one of his required summer reading books (and enjoyed it-bonus!).

But now, he tells me that he has to craft a two to three page paper - which is due at the start of school on Tuesday (remember this part, it's critical) and called me today to tell me that he was working on the paper (YAY!  He's actually given himself almost a week head start - usually he waits until the night before) and wanted my help (what can I say?  Papers are my "thing," and he knows that.  Not to brag, but back in the day, I was actually able to skim a book, for a friend - because of course I did all my projects early, give her a synopsis and help her craft a paper that would net an A).

The topic of the paper is what he learned from the book about the relationship between social justice and the media.


Now, this usually might not present a problem - but with a topic like this I will have had to actually read said book before I can even BEGIN to point him in the right direction for this paper.

So if I seem to be missing for the next few days; I'm sure you'll understand....because even though I'm not in school anymore, it seems I'll be doing some homework.  Reading all 343 pages of this in the next three days or so....

I'm only up to Page 66 - so obviously, I've got some reading to do....but in the meantime, if anyone has any ideas for this paper; I'm listening.  



*sigh* At least he didn't leave it to the very last minute this time.

August 11, 2011

Really?! THIS is what you pay me for?


That's all I can say after today.  That, and thank goodness I have taken tomorrow off.  Because I seriously don't think I could face another day of ridiculousness this week.

When I decided to take on the Big Guy and add him to my roster of attorneys, after my dear friend abandoned me for the joys of retirement, I figured it would increase my work load a tad; which would be a good thing; but never in my wildest imaginations did I figure that my days would be filled with stuff like this.

Here are just some of the ridiculous situations I was expected to deal with today....

First up, just as the Big Guy has gone into a BIG meeting at 10:00 am; a meeting that took an Act of Congress to get together, I get a call from downstairs that his guests were question was "WHAT guests?!" (*sigh* there isn't enough coffee in the world.)

Being the super-efficient woman that I am, I grabbed the first person I saw headed that way and asked him to hand Big Guy a note.  And then waited for the Big Guy himself to pop out of the conference room.  Which he did (he's so predictable sometimes).

He then asked me why they were here since HE "re-scheduled" them to 11:00 am.  (How the hell should *I* know why they are here?  I had nothing to do with this meeting at all; in fact, I didn't even KNOW about it).  He then asked me to tell them to come back or re-schedule or something.  Fine.

But, I ask you, just how do you politely tell someone - "Hey, Goofball - you are an hour early, (OR....he forgot to tell you that he re-scheduled).  Go away and come back in an hour"?  I tried and tried but just couldn't figure out a nice way to say it.  Instead, I apologized profusely and told them he was in a meeting that he couldn't get out of that was running long and offered to re-schedule.  They did not seem too happy.

In the meantime, a HUGE box was delivered for the Big Guy.  I asked the mailroom guy to "pretty please" put it in his office; thinking I'd deal with it after I dealt with these guys.  And I promptly forgot about it - because really?  In my world - out of sight; out of mind.

When he came out of said "Act of Congress" meeting he asked me if they were coming back, I said no.  I told him what I had said and why, which he thought that was funny.  Yeah, it was hilarious!  And then he told me not to worry about it, that he'd take care of it.....can someone please tell me why I see a repeat of this scenario in the very near future?

After walking back to his office he called me to ask me what was in the big box.  Oops!

Turns out it was a big, fancy coffee maker.  Little did I know that this big, fancy coffee maker was going to become the focal point of my day.

"What is this? Why is he sending me this?  I can't accept this!" (something to do with "ethics" and "gift policies").  "Call his assistant and see why he sent this! Is it for the Company?  What's this all about?"  And then promptly closets himself in another meeting - which interestingly enough is another meeting I know nothing about and seems to have been scheduled for 11:00 am.....

So then the fun begins.

I call the (other) beleaguered assistant to find out the purpose of this coffee maker only to discover that apparently my Big Guy had a conversation with her Big Guy about the "possibility" of our company switching the Executive Coffee (yes, they get special coffee) and her Big Guy decided to gift the Company (i.e., the Executives) with a new coffee maker so they could "transition."

Whereupon explaining all this to Big Guy he was befuddled.  And claimed that "they" must have had this conversation "when he wasn't there....."

Which then lead to a myriad of other "issues."

Over a freakin' coffee maker.

In all, I would say I spent a good portion of my day dealing with a coffee maker and wayward appointments.  Seriously?!

Luckily, my other attorneys' don't need this much attention.

So yeah, NOW I can see why she decided to retire.....

I suppose I should give her a call and remind her of the joys of office life.

August 10, 2011

How it came to be that I was making banana bread at an extremely early hour....OR...Proof positive that I am going....well, bananas

Yesterday, I got up (at my usual un-godly hour) and made not one, but TWO, loaves of banana bread, instead of following my usual routine of coffee, blog-reading and newspaper (in that order, thank you very much).  Why, you ask?  Good question.

But the answer to that all started two weeks ago....

(hmmm, I'm beginning to sense a theme here....every post lately seems to have a back-story.  Maybe I should post more often just so you are all up to date on the mundaness of my life....)

Anyway, two weeks ago a work-friend had a get together at his home to celebrate another's promotion.  He asked that we provide a side dish.  I decided, at the last minute, of course, to bring banana pudding*.  I figured, it's fairly quick; it's easy; it would be cool (because dear God, in heaven!  It has been HOT here - so hot, that I'm fairly certain that, somehow, I've been transported back to Texas!) and because I had the majority of the ingredients, except for the bananas.

Surprisingly, I don't have a recipe on hand for banana pudding, so I looked one up on the Internet.  There are many, many various ways to make said pudding but I knew the basic ingredients and that there is an easy way to do it.  So I found a recipe that fit the criteria.  But, I was a bit confounded as the recipe as it called for fourteen (yes, you read that right, FOURTEEN!) bananas!

Being the stickler I am for following directions (quit laughing!) I trotted off to buy fourteen bananas.  I figured this quick and easy recipe wasn't going to be as inexpensive as I'd hoped; especially considering I only needed the ONE ingredient - but, what the hey, I was committed (upon retrospect, maybe I should BE committed).

Nevermind the fact that I picked up a few other items (yes, I know I was only there to get one item - obviously I am a multi-tasker) while at the grocery store, even so, I clearly remember that the sign said that the bananas were $0.69 a pound. So, despite the fact that I am not a math genius (I still question the multiplication tables on a daily basis), I was a bit puzzled when I got home, looked at the receipt and realized that somehow these fourteen bananas (which surely weigh much more than a pound) only cost me $0.29.  I was stumped.

But I let it go, because 1) I didn't have the time to think about it and 2) it was some kind of complicated math problem and I didn't want to go there.

At any rate, as I began to assemble the banana pudding it TOTALLY became clear to me that I wouldn't need all fourteen I left about six or seven of them out (yeah, see how much a stickler I am about rules?).

According to all that partook of said (HUGE) banana pudding, it was DELISH.

Anyway....that leads us back to me, being up at an un-godly hour, making two loaves of banana bread yesterday morning....

Seeing as we had quite a few of (by now VERY) ripe bananas left, Mr. Sweet-tooth (aka Man-Child) began badgering me to bake something.  Throwing around guilt-inducing phrases such as "You NEVER bake for ME anymore" and "Don't you realize I'LL be going off to COLLEGE soon and you won't have ANYONE to appreciate your mad skills in baking anymore."  (what can I say?  He learned from a pro.)

So, eventually, of course, I caved and promised to make him banana bread.  And proceeded to put it off.  Over and over.  Until finally the guilt kicked in....and I knew if I didn't make the bread the bananas would get too ripe and would have to be thrown out (mainly because they'd be so gross I wouldn't want to touch them).

But the night before I was too tired - so, stupidly figured I'd make it in the morning (conveniently forgetting, in my exhausted stupor, that banana bread is a little bit more involved than, say, banana pudding).

And then, promptly forgot about it.  Until yesterday morning, when in the middle of my normal routine I remembered.  And then realized that I had far too many overripe bananas for one loaf.  *sigh*

Well, in for a penny - in for a pound; as I believe the saying goes.

And THAT is how it came to be that I was up at a crazy, early hour making two loaves of banana bread.

At least the recipients (Man-Child and the office) were grateful, especially once they realized it was still warm from the oven.

*Thank heaven for the look-back ability (due to History) otherwise I may have NEVER found this recipe again; see!  I'm NOT crazy, it really does say you need FOURTEEN bananas.  Go ahead, try it.  And you only need about six bananas or so, if I'm remembering correctly.  Apparently, it's REALLY good.

August 9, 2011

Mulling over office politics.....and sucking you into it, by default

After a conversation with Hubby last night, I've been wondering....

First, since I try to stay away from office gossip here, a bit of background - the Big Guy in my department is getting married.  This really isn't news to anyone, we've seen it coming.  And, as you may remember, he has recently become one that I actually report to (even though it's all been shrouded in mystery and is hush-hush - because GOD-FORBID should anyone speak it aloud-you know, now that I think about it, I don't think even HR knows....).  Granted, I reported to him before, technically, in a distant sort of fashion - as in my bosses reported to him - but now, he has been gathered into the fold, you might say, and now I report to many; including him directly (actually, they report to me, they just don't know it yet).

So anyway....we knew he was getting married.  And we were happy for him - because if  he is happy - then, by default, don't we benefit in some way??

When the "Save the Date" cards went out we all kind of knew we were invited; because, otherwise, why else would we have received them?  To taunt us?  But no one really discussed it - because it was MONTHS away and (heaven forbid!) what if you DID discuss it with someone and they hadn't received the "Save the Date" card?

As a quick aside - don't you love the idea of "Save the Date" cards?  It gives you so much time to plan!  Theoretically, I haven't even BEGUN to figure out what I'm going to wear to this thing!

This weekend, we all received the OFFICIAL invitations.  Needless to say, it was the buzz among the peons in the office this morning.

One woman came to me and asked if I was going.  I responded that I was going, of course - (I didn't tell her this but, yeah, I'm going; because:  One - he thought enough of me to actually INVITE me to a very intimate and personal ceremony; Two - because there will be an open bar (I KID! I KID!) Three - he is my BOSS and he actually thought enough of ME to INVITE me [and Hubby, but not Man-Child, odd I think, as he isn't small and would like to meet some of the people I work with] to this very intimate and personal ceremony and Four - did I mention the food that is going to be served is AMAZING?  Hello?!)  So, yes, I'm definitely going.

She then informed me that So-N-So and so-n-so weren't planning to attend.  My mind was kind of blown at that point.  I understand that So-N-So and so-n-so have had their "issues" with the Big Guy in the past.  I get it; I do.  But seriously?  I then informed this woman that she HAD to attend - in no uncertain terms (mainly because I do need a friend to hang out with at this shindig!  Besides Hubby, that is, because he will wander off.  I know him).  She agreed, uncertainly. So uncertainly, in fact, that I'll be surprised if she shows up.  But, upon further reflection, knowing her, she'll show up out of obligation and guilt.

As I was explaining this all to Hubby (it's intricate, I know.  But somehow, he followed it all) he was flabbergasted that they weren't attending.

It seems to me that, if you are on the "outs" with the boss, it would behoove you to show up at a personal event (you know, one that I won't be doing an expense report for) that he invites you to as it seems that he is "trying" to extend an olive branch and that he would like you would take it.  What really strikes me though, especially with these two, is that they are smart, professional women who have been around the "corporate block" a time or two don't realize this.

Yes, there is a time to "stand your ground" and then there is a time to be gracious (I mean, seriously?  You should see this menu and the venue!).  And, personally, I feel they are being a bit petty.  Is it just me?

To be fair, I haven't gone into all the "issues" that surround this situation, and I know emotions run high, but's this guy's WEDDING day!  And he has invited us to join in his joy.  So, putting the menu (and open bar - I KID!  I will NOT get drunk at my boss' wedding - what do you guys take me for? An idiot?) aside, wouldn't you want to celebrate the happiness of another?  But on the other hand, I haven't been treated the way they claim to have been treated.

So what do you think?  Should they put aside their differences and attend?  Or should they hold their "moral" high ground and not attend?

Let me throw THIS in the mix, one of the ladies in question actually lives about an hour and a half away (possibly two hours considering the venue).  So her?  Her, I can almost see not accepting - just on distance alone.

So tell me, what say you, Blogland?

August 7, 2011

Because if *I* don't remember never happened, right?

We had some people over yesterday.  And, as people sometimes do, we reminisced a bit.  We were talking and laughing....when Hubby pipes up with this,  "Hey!  Do you remember when So-n-So came to dinner?"

I responded with a no.  Because I certainly do NOT remember So-n-So; much less the fact that he came to dinner at our house.

Hubby persisted, "Of COURSE you do!  Remember?  We talked about this and that?!"

Me: "No."

Hubby kept on; supplying details of the conversation, what was served, SURE that I'd remember.....

Eventually, he gave up and remarked in frustration, "Just HOW do you forget a whole PERSON!?  A whole body; hair and teeth and everything!"

Easily, apparently.

In my defense, IF the alleged dinner actually took place where and when Hubby claims - then Man-Child would have been old enough to remember this guy (AND his wife - so, obviously, I've forgotten TWO persons!) and he doesn't.

So to my thinking, this dinner never happened and Hubby is delusional.

OR.....somehow I have passed along my faulty memory to my child....

Nope, I'm going with Hubby being delusional.  It works for me.

August 5, 2011

A Simplistic View of Things....Or.....Only YOU, Corporate America (and everywhere else), can fix this economy - so DO something already!

I take a simplistic view of things.  I know this about myself...and I'm okay with it.  Generally, this view lets me cut through crap and make decisions.  It makes life easier for me; and believe me, I'm all about keeping things simple.

If your arm hurts when you do that; then just don't do that and voila; it won't hurt anymore.  See?  Easy-peasy.  Physician, heal thyself and move on.

So coming at this whole economic "situation" with this simplistic view it is clear to me what needs to happen.

You, Corporate America (and everywhere else, for that matter), need to quit being greedy and start hiring people.  Period.

It is my understanding that you are currently raking in record-breaking profits.  Good for you.  As CEO's, and upper-level management, you are making loads of money.  Your checking account is fat and you are doing fine.  Again, good for you.

Yes, you worked hard to get where you are (most of you, anyway) so you deserve it; to a degree.  I don't begrudge you  that; but......(well, you knew there HAD to be a "but" in there somewhere), in my simplistic view, I am seeing where you are squeezing the employees you have.  Making them wear two, three or sometimes four different hats - doing more than what they were hired to do; knowing that they are fearful that if they complain they would be out the door.  With no other options - since no one is hiring.  You see the vicious cycle and are capitalizing on it; for shame!

Yes, I understand, that companies need to be lean, mean, fighting machines in order to stay in business.  There shouldn't be waste - be it of materials or man-hours.

But the level to which you are squeezing the nickel - so to speak - is insane.  And possibly, quite un-patriotic. Yes, I said it.  YOU are not doing the country any favors.  And, I think, your mother would be ashamed at your antics.

In order to kick start the economy, again through my simplistic view, is to inspire the consumers to buy.  And how do you do that exactly?  Well, first off, the consumers need to feel safe and secure.  Oh, and this is BIG..... have a job.  Once consumers have these two, little things then?  Then, they will spend.

If they don't feel secure in their jobs - or can't find one - then what do they do?  They sit on whatever money they do have and don't spend it - or cry when they have to spend it.  That means they aren't buying YOUR products or services, unless absolutely necessary.  And even at that, they are NOT happy about it.

So, I say to you, Corporate America (and everywhere else), unfreeze the hiring holds that you have in place and start relieving some of your over-worked staff.  Believe me, your current staff and the new hires will appreciate it more than you know and morale and productivity will reflect it.

Only YOU, Corporate America (and everywhere else), can fix this economy.  And might I suggest that you get started on that pretty quick?

FYI, this post is not a rant against the company I work for - no, quite the contrary.  The company I work for is a good one and has continued to hire, as necessary, during this dark period.  This post was completely inspired by a conversation that I had with a friend yesterday. 

And yes, I really do have a very simplistic view of the world.  I'm not an economist; nor do I have a business degree; nor am I  learned "thinker" but it just seems to me that this is a big part of the problem.

Oh....and before I forget, you can TOTALLY blame this post on Carol.  Since she's the one who TOLD me to hit "publish" in the first place.....

August 2, 2011

Those *Bleeping* kids......or bad parenting...depends on how you look at it.

Just when you think everything is fine and all is (semi) well in your little world.....

THEN your child doesn't come home when you expect him to.

Oh sure, as you sit on the back porch crafting a snarky post about your neighbor (and your husband) you "think" you hear him pull in the driveway and enter the house.

You *assume* he went immediately upstairs to take one of his EXTREMELY long showers....because, you know, he's been out in the heat of the day with full pads on practicing for football.....because isn't that what you would do after a grueling day in the heat?

Then your hubby comes home and says to you, "Where is Man-Child?"  And you, blithefully reply, "He's in the shower."  Even though you never actually laid eyes on the child...because you were, you know, busy.

To which Hubby then replies in a panic, "NO! HE'S NOT!!!!  THE CAR ISN'T HERE!!! HE'S BEEN GONE SINCE 3:30 PM!"

Which, of course, you respond with freaking out....since it's now almost 9:00 pm....and OH MY HELL! WHERE *IS* HE???? And totally remembering the wreck on the back roads in the middle of nowhere.

And so begins the phone calls and the texts. And, a short bout of freaking out via Twitter....

To which, the responsible child - who doesn't answer texts or phone calls (at least from his parents) while he is driving, doesn't respond.

Which then leads to the parents calling a fellow football-parent in a panic to ask if their son is home yet, because "OMG! MINE ISN'T!"

Only to receive the response that practice is until 8:00 pm now that it's "REAL" practice and not "TRAINING" and that he's probably on his way home.  Which definitely leads to a "bit" of relief...

Which reminds you.....didn't you call this same parent last year....with the same issue?

And then darned if he doesn't walk in the door - full of attitude - because "duh! Didn't you read the schedule? And did you REALLY just call So-N-So's mom AGAIN about this?"

And you thank God again because, apparently, you are an idiot.

August 1, 2011

And to think...this post was supposed to be about my nail polish...OR be nice to your neighbors, you never know, one of them might be a blogger

I was going to put up a post about my nail polish.  And how, for some crazy reason, whenever I use this particular color it "bubbles."  According to Google, it could be anything....from the way I shake the bottle (apparently, you should "roll" it and not shake it) to the heat and humidity factor (really??? Who knew that applying polish could get so "technical??"  And really??? That is seriously bad news for those of us that live in the South!) but on the plus side - it WILL stay on and not chip or wear easily (thank you Sally Hansen Xtreme Wear! Other than the occasional bubble, I love this product*).

But then my neighbor pulled his goofy lawnmower out of his "Pod" and my thoughts drifted away from nail polish, as I watched him, in his goofy little outfit that he reserves for mowing (seriously....if I could figure out a way to capture him on camera without him realizing it....), to the fact that he absolutely refuses to mow "this" little patch of grass (which to be fair, so does my I sense some passive/aggressive behavior between neighbors?).

Can you see it?  Along with the wood piled up that he doesn't need because he's got a gas fireplace....
Because in his mind....that is "our" patch of grass.  Despite the fact, that his raggedy old trampoline (which no one uses) is right next to it.

Which, by the way, is technically on our property (as is his fire pit - which is behind those trees)

All of which, brings me to this nice to those people moving in next door to never know if you might become embroiled in a lawn-mowing stand-off and/or blog fodder.

Which also reminds me.....we really need to get the surveyor out here to straighten out where that property line lies so we can begin to plan to put in a fence.  Because, really?  I'm tired of looking at that patch of grass....and that trampoline.

* Full disclosure.....I was not paid, or in any way compensated, to endorse this product.  It's my own personal opinion.