June 1, 2020

My heart is heavy...I don't have the words

As I was making cookies, upon request, for Man-Child and one of his best friends yesterday morning - they were coming by for a social distanced lunch yesterday afternoon - I kept wondering..."What was George Floyd's number one recipe request of his mother?"  Chocolate chips?  Peanut butter cookies?  Or maybe he loved her pies?  Or maybe her deviled eggs.

What about Ahmaud Arbery?  What about the thousands of others?

As I baked, I thought of their mothers.  The fear, which had to have been constant while they raised their boys.  Their broken hearts.

My heart was heavy.  None of those deaths - those broken hearts - were warranted.  They should have never happened.

But they did.

And then the world exploded.

The rioting - but is it really?  Some reports state that outside agitators are to blame.  Some reports state that protesters are peaceful - I certainly hope so.  Whatever the case, things need to change.  And quickly.  This should all be behind us by now.  The fact that it's not is beyond shameful.

We raised Man-Child to judge a person on their character - and it shows in the vast array of friends he has.  There have only been two in his entire life where I had to ask him - "Look at how these people treat you.  Is that the behavior of a true friend?"  He eventually would agree - that is NOT how you treat your friends.

As Man-Child and his best friend walked through the door yesterday afternoon - the physical difference immediately noticeable...one pale and one brown.  Both beautiful, wonderful humans.  One said, "Hi Mom!"  The other, "Hi, Mama G!"  And my heart swelled with love.

We fed them, laughed with them and gave them cookies and milk.  Then we listened to the boys give each other grief - lovingly, of course - as we chatted about random things.

I don't have the words to express the feelings I have for what has been going on.  I have no answers as how to effect change.  But this I know - children do NOT know hate.  Hate is taught.  As parents, that is one of the most important lessons we must teach - love and inclusion.

As I watched the boys walk away, laughing and joking, I said a prayer for both of them, but I may have said an extra prayer for the one who called me Mama G.  And it broke my heart that I needed to say an extra prayer.  That shouldn't be necessary.


  1. I have tears in my eyes reading this.

  2. Well, now you did it. You have made me cry. The world is in such turmoil right now, but there are good people everywhere, feeling such emotions, and despairing for us all. I am not usually praying, but these days it is all I can do. Turning it over because it's so huge. :-(

  3. I agree; extra prayers should not be needed.
    It's so heartbreaking...I SO wish we could all be better humans.
    I do understand the protesting. I DO not understand the riots that include harm to other humans and our surroundings.

  4. Well said. It is hard to believe that this could happen in 2020. I just cannot understand how the other officers stood by and watched one crazy cop behave so badly. How can that many people not have enough sense to put a stop to something? Almost 9 minutes? I understand the anger and the emotions but I do not understand those who take the opportunity to behave badly and loot stores. My heart breaks.

  5. Hate and racism IS taught. It isn't human to hate another human because of the color of their skin.
    I understand why there is so much anger and so much pent up frustration.

  6. Really great and thought provoking post. Thanks for sharing it. Things need to change.

    (Also, re your previous post, those chairs look great. ;) )

  7. Our town (largest in the state) had a peaceful protest last night. Then it went to virtual, because there were credible facts that a hate group would be targeting it to turn our downtown upside down, then a few hours before they made it back to a peaceful live event. And it was peaceful. So peaceful that during the 9 minute die in, the town bell could be heard chiming.

    I do not know what it's like to be black. But I do know what it's like to be chased out of a neighborhood because I was white. It was terrifying. Oldest has a friend who is deeply emerged in his African Heritage. He called him for his take on it all. It was a 3.5 hour conversation, that left him with somewhat of a new view on why the anger is there. His advice? Get off social media. There's more untrue, than true. And it's spreading more hate than love.

    A good friend of mine at work is white, like VERY white. Her husband is black. Her kids are light and dark skinned. She has an interesting take on all of it. Meanwhile I spent part of my day today making her kids teddy bears from her father's (their grandfather's) old t-shirts so they can remember their pop pop. Because love and missing family that has passed on doesn't change, regardless of what shade it comes in.

  8. This was a wonderful post. I so agree with you on everything you said. Another blogger friend thinks that we are finally getting "2020" vision in 2020. Truth is insisting that it prevail. Mona