I'm having a nervous breakdown....seriously.

Hello!  And welcome to your ringside seat whereupon you get to witness me have a complete and total meltdown.
 
It’s that wonderful time of year again – where I begin to stress over holiday stuff.  Why?  I don’t know – most of it I could do in my sleep.  But if I don’t stress – then where is the tradition?
 
This year – to add to the fun – we’ve had Man-Child take the test for his driver’s license; Junior Year Parent Night and work issues.  All within a week of each other.  Yay!
 
Although, the very prospect of sending my one and only child off – in a car; by himself; on the INTERSTATE to school every day is enough to make my head spin and my stomach nauseous - but still, I could deal.
 
Junior Year Parent Night – (for the uninitiated – JYPN is when the school has a meeting with the parents of the Junior class to tell them about the processes and timelines of what needs to be done prior to the Senior year to prepare for college.  Who knew that so much would need to be done this year?!?  The most laughable part was the way they kept reiterating that we shouldn’t do all the work for them – yeah, right.  Like any self-respecting 16 year old is going to take it upon himself to look up financial assistance, fill out forms and work on their resume and various applications without any nagging  "help") could also probably be dealt with without too much trauma.  But this meeting did slam home the fact that pretty soon my nest will be empty.
 
And the work stuff?  Well, let's just say that I’m sick of office politics and managers who can’t make a decision without a Magic 8 ball.  All I want to do is come to work – do my job and cash my check.  I don’t need or want to be embroiled in all this other crap.  For the most part, I love my job - but right now?  Right now, I just don't need all this drama. I’m hoping it all comes out in the wash soon without involving me any more than necessary.
 
In and of themselves, I could probably deal with each one okay.
 
But – something else has been going on.  Something I just couldn’t put my finger on.  
 
And then it hit me.  Not only is Thanksgiving NEXT WEEK – which in turn, kicks off the official “holiday season” – but this week we’ve hit the 6 month mark of unemployment.
 
Needless to say, this realization caused me to begin to hyperventilate.
 
Despite all my protestations that “everything will be fine” and “we will be okay” and blah, blah, blah and here let me sprinkle some fairy dust on it and all will be well – today it hit me.  Unemployment is due to run out soon.  


And no matter that Hubby’s idea for a business venture is a good one – there have been no bites.  And no matter how much I tweak and fine tune that resume and no matter how many contacts Hubby has – the fact of the matter is there aren’t any jobs out there to send the damn resume to any way.
 
And when all this came bubbling to the surface – I found myself in my car at lunch sobbing.

Not that sobbing ever really fixes anything.  And to top it off?  It didn’t even make me feel better and I had red eyes when I came back to the office.  They probably think I’m having  “liquid lunches” now.
 
I think what has me so wigged out – is that there isn’t anything I can do to “fix” the problem.  I can’t make jobs magically appear out of thin air for Hubby to apply to or clients to fall from the sky for his business venture.
 
I hesitate to even share my distress with Hubby – because he is the worrier.  If he sees that I’m wigging out – how much will that freak him out?   Like he doesn't have enough to deal with without me throwing gasoline on the fire?  I hate to dump on to you – because you all have your own issues to deal with and frankly, I’m generally a pretty private person.  So odds are good that this post will be deleted before it ever gets published.  But then, what is the point of spilling my guts?  I will still end up holding on to all the worry.  That huge rock sitting in my tummy will still be there.  What, then was the point of this blog - which I started just to get all this stuff out of my head?
 
Since I haven’t taken much vacation time this year – I have thirteen days that I must schedule before the end of the year – or I’ll lose it all.  So this means that I will be home for 2 ½ weeks at the end of the year – with a couple of other days thrown in before then.  I can already tell you that all this time at home together will just drive up my stress level – I just know it.  How can it not?
 
Because of all this added stress and drama – I have made a momentous decision.  
 
This year, I will not be sending out Christmas cards. 
 
(I can hear you all gasping collectively)
 
I mean it.  Not one.  I spend far too much time and money in doing so every year.  And although I do generally enjoying doing them this year I just don’t have it in me to do it.  To be honest – right now, I don’t have it in me to do any of the holiday stuff.  The things I’ve done so far have been done out of obligation and necessity.


We won't be doing the annual party either - which is a no-brainer.  We just can't.  So at the very least, that's two stressors off my list.


I KNOW in my head and my heart that everything will be okay - one way or another.  But right now?  Right now, I'm just a tad overwhelmed.