November 15, 2010

I'm having a nervous breakdown....seriously.

Hello!  And welcome to your ringside seat whereupon you get to witness me have a complete and total meltdown.
It’s that wonderful time of year again – where I begin to stress over holiday stuff.  Why?  I don’t know – most of it I could do in my sleep.  But if I don’t stress – then where is the tradition?
This year – to add to the fun – we’ve had Man-Child take the test for his driver’s license; Junior Year Parent Night and work issues.  All within a week of each other.  Yay!
Although, the very prospect of sending my one and only child off – in a car; by himself; on the INTERSTATE to school every day is enough to make my head spin and my stomach nauseous - but still, I could deal.
Junior Year Parent Night – (for the uninitiated – JYPN is when the school has a meeting with the parents of the Junior class to tell them about the processes and timelines of what needs to be done prior to the Senior year to prepare for college.  Who knew that so much would need to be done this year?!?  The most laughable part was the way they kept reiterating that we shouldn’t do all the work for them – yeah, right.  Like any self-respecting 16 year old is going to take it upon himself to look up financial assistance, fill out forms and work on their resume and various applications without any nagging  "help") could also probably be dealt with without too much trauma.  But this meeting did slam home the fact that pretty soon my nest will be empty.
And the work stuff?  Well, let's just say that I’m sick of office politics and managers who can’t make a decision without a Magic 8 ball.  All I want to do is come to work – do my job and cash my check.  I don’t need or want to be embroiled in all this other crap.  For the most part, I love my job - but right now?  Right now, I just don't need all this drama. I’m hoping it all comes out in the wash soon without involving me any more than necessary.
In and of themselves, I could probably deal with each one okay.
But – something else has been going on.  Something I just couldn’t put my finger on.  
And then it hit me.  Not only is Thanksgiving NEXT WEEK – which in turn, kicks off the official “holiday season” – but this week we’ve hit the 6 month mark of unemployment.
Needless to say, this realization caused me to begin to hyperventilate.
Despite all my protestations that “everything will be fine” and “we will be okay” and blah, blah, blah and here let me sprinkle some fairy dust on it and all will be well – today it hit me.  Unemployment is due to run out soon.  

And no matter that Hubby’s idea for a business venture is a good one – there have been no bites.  And no matter how much I tweak and fine tune that resume and no matter how many contacts Hubby has – the fact of the matter is there aren’t any jobs out there to send the damn resume to any way.
And when all this came bubbling to the surface – I found myself in my car at lunch sobbing.

Not that sobbing ever really fixes anything.  And to top it off?  It didn’t even make me feel better and I had red eyes when I came back to the office.  They probably think I’m having  “liquid lunches” now.
I think what has me so wigged out – is that there isn’t anything I can do to “fix” the problem.  I can’t make jobs magically appear out of thin air for Hubby to apply to or clients to fall from the sky for his business venture.
I hesitate to even share my distress with Hubby – because he is the worrier.  If he sees that I’m wigging out – how much will that freak him out?   Like he doesn't have enough to deal with without me throwing gasoline on the fire?  I hate to dump on to you – because you all have your own issues to deal with and frankly, I’m generally a pretty private person.  So odds are good that this post will be deleted before it ever gets published.  But then, what is the point of spilling my guts?  I will still end up holding on to all the worry.  That huge rock sitting in my tummy will still be there.  What, then was the point of this blog - which I started just to get all this stuff out of my head?
Since I haven’t taken much vacation time this year – I have thirteen days that I must schedule before the end of the year – or I’ll lose it all.  So this means that I will be home for 2 ½ weeks at the end of the year – with a couple of other days thrown in before then.  I can already tell you that all this time at home together will just drive up my stress level – I just know it.  How can it not?
Because of all this added stress and drama – I have made a momentous decision.  
This year, I will not be sending out Christmas cards. 
(I can hear you all gasping collectively)
I mean it.  Not one.  I spend far too much time and money in doing so every year.  And although I do generally enjoying doing them this year I just don’t have it in me to do it.  To be honest – right now, I don’t have it in me to do any of the holiday stuff.  The things I’ve done so far have been done out of obligation and necessity.

We won't be doing the annual party either - which is a no-brainer.  We just can't.  So at the very least, that's two stressors off my list.

I KNOW in my head and my heart that everything will be okay - one way or another.  But right now?  Right now, I'm just a tad overwhelmed.


  1. While my husband & I are both employed, one of my co-workers is leaving on Friday and now I have four new job responsibilities. Which may not sound like much, but this morning I had 90 emails to sort through and it was 2 hours before I could start my "regular job" work. It took me a little bit longer this morning because it was my first time doing some of the stuff and I couldn't get it figured out and I felt sooo overwhelmed. How am I going to do my job, along with half of my (soon-to-be)former co-workers job when I'm already busier than a one-legged man at an ass kickin' competition? I ended up going to the bathroom because I started to actually cry. At work. Luckily no one saw me (whew!).

    So, my dilemma is not the same, but, I can relate to the whole, "overwhelmed and cried in your car" part of your day.

    Am keeping fingers crossed for your hubby.

  2. Just breathe. You'll get through it. Sounds like my post from last week about not having control. I know what you're thinking. Sort-of.

  3. Oh gosh girl, that is a LOT on your shoulders. A 16 year old on the road ALONE is enough to cause sleepless nights, but everything else on top of that is almost to much.

    Does your husband have at least 2 years of college completed? If so, maybe he could substitute teach? I know I complain about it a lot, but honestly it is decent money and if he worked the HS level it's really easy because you aren't expected to teach. Just a thought in case you are hurting for money.

    Hang in there, eventually this valley will be a mountain-top.

  4. I hear you. I understand completely. I have no words of wisdom, just hang on. HUGS

  5. I am thinking about you and hoping it gets better. Who needs Christmas cards this year? And an annual party when money is tight? Not needed. You could compose a wonderful email with pretty pictures and call it a Christmas card, send it to all your friends and family. That's what I do.

  6. Dearest Gigi

    I send all manner of good wishes from the other side of the pond. I wish I were closer and I'd ply you with gin and chocolate and I'd probably sob right along beside you in solidarity xxxxx

  7. Wheeeeee! A little something on your plate, huh?

    I shall keep an eye out for your sanity. If it swings by Minneapolis, I'll have it call you.


  8. I would totally hug you if I could. Stress sucks. You are right. You can't make jobs appear like magic. If you could I would have a DAMN JOB. ahem...

  9. Sometimes I think getting a little stressed helps us get through these situations a little better. It takes a little stress to get things done, just remember to breath from time to time and you will be just fine Xx

  10. That's a lot on your plate! As someone else said, just having your 16yo on the road, on his own, would be enough to floor me! Don't worry about the christmas cards, I didnt send ANY last year. Just take it one thing at a time. Wish I could give you a big hug, cos it will all work out, it will. xx

  11. I know how over whelmed you must be. Christmas seems to come too fast every year! There is so much to do and to little time to get it done! I'm not sending out cards this year either. It's ok! Thinking of you!

  12. I know SO MANY people who are out of work. I'm grateful every day for employment.

    Don't worry about Christmas Cards, I've skipped several years. They'll live. And two weeks off? Man, just relax and enjoy...

  13. hang on Gigi, things will get better, you can always come here to dump on us....its why we are here. Maybe you could spread the vacation days out, instead of taking them off in one straight shot, and on those days, you should indulge in the liquid lunch.
    I think we have all cried at work, at least once.....
    And I say screw the damn christmas cards....they end up in the trash anyways.

  14. Oh, honey. I hope you know that you can always vent here. You're right...what's the point if you can't vent to US?

    I wish I had that magic bullet for you, sweetie. I am glad that you've scaled back on your responsibilities for the holidays. Everyone's scaling's just a necessary part of dealing with the insanity.

    You're right, you know. It will work way or the other. It's the waiting that blows. Break it down...and stop thinking so much! You're giving me agita!

  15. Hey you know that I sympathise completely with you - mine has been out of work for 2yrs. And there is only so much you can do for him.
    We are all here to support you, never mind our own crap, other people's crap is so much better!
    PS I always buy Christmas cards and then forget (AHEM ) to send them!!
    Why can't everyone just have a festive email anyway LOL

  16. What a lot to deal with!! Hang in there. Last year just before Christmas I was laid off while my husband was away (and unreachable for a week). This time of year can be sooooo stressful. Hang in there... Sending good thoughts your way!

    -Lady Fromage

  17. If I were you I would be having 'liquid lunches' chased with Xanax. And Advil.

    Holiday's are always stressful, I say kudos to you for cutting out some of the stress factors!

  18. I hear ya...I think it is something in the air. I've been locking myself in my sewing room and creating, its the only that makes me relax. Things always work out..just keep repeating that..oh and make yourself a buttered rum (they are delicious)

  19. Oh hon! I can see why you are overwhelmed! Your last sentence does sum it all though. You do know it will be okay. You have your health, your family, I'm sure everything else will fall into line. Hugs to you.

  20. Oh G.. so sorry to hear it's all getting you down and yes you should dump it here.. thats what blogs are for... and your bloggy friends are for listening. And I'm sure like me, they all want to reach out across the ether and give you a big hug. I don't blame you at all for sitting in the car and sobbing.. I think I would have given in to that long before! I truly hope things turn around for you soon I really do. And good for you for not organising a big party - I know someone who is in serious financial trouble but is still going ahead with a big bash just to save face - utterly stupid! Will keep my fingers crossed for your Hubby on the job front. Lots of love xxx

  21. Mind if i join you? I'm sort of having my breakdown as we "speak."

  22. YOU ARE AWESOME! Thank God you are working ... 2.5 weeks at home at the end of the year - WOW!
    I'm so sorry that your hubby hasn't found anything yet. But hopefully they will get this economy going again. I'll be praying for you.
    Hang in there!

  23. Really sorry it's all hit you at once. I cannot offer any advice...sorry but I am thinking of you and hoping that something turns up and soon!
    I picked some cards up yesterday put them back down and then ended up buying two small packs from somewhere else in the end. Such a waste of money though isn't it.
    Take care. XX