October 3, 2023

Wedding Chatter - My Mother-In-Law Edition

Time really seems to be doing a number on me these days.  Apparently, it's been well over a month since I last posted.  Mea culpa.  What can I say?  Life has been zipping along at warp speed - although much of it hasn't been worth documenting...

Sometime in late August, Mom informed us that she would not be attending the wedding.  Needless to say, we were all devastated but understood.  She had been losing sleep over the mere thought of the travel and worrying about any of us having to look after her.  The relief in her voice after she told us her decision was palpable - and that alone told me she had made the right decision.

Of course, this necessitated us to revise our plans; or I should say, lack of plans.  Her birthday kicks off the round of birthdays/various celebrations from the end of September until the middle of January; but we had not planned a trip to Connecticut this year; assuming we would see her in November.

Thus a quick trip up was hastily thrown together to celebrate her 92nd birthday.  Which, most likely impinged on my brother and sister in law; as they had just returned from vacation days before we arrived.  As ever though, they were gracious hosts and even though they had to work, and a good time was still had by all.

As usual, before we left, I cleaned the house top to bottom because I HATE coming home to a house that needs to be cleaned (why yes, it appears I HAVE turned into my mother) after being in the car for what seems like weeks.  When I come home all I want to do is empty the car, unpack and immediately start a load of laundry.  That's it.

The trip up and back was fairly uneventful - except 30 minutes after we left the house I realized I'd forgotten the cord for my work laptop.  The Husband, ever my hero, without complaint turned the car around and headed home to retrieve it.  I know he was annoyed - most likely beyond annoyed - but never said a word.

About two hours later I realized I had forgotten to pack a robe.  He offered to pick one up for me once we reached Connecticut.  And right about then, I wondered if he had been replaced with an alien.  But no, it seems he had made a conscious decision to make this trip as smooth as possible while I, had inadvertently made the un-conscious decision to make this trip as difficult as possible.  I can confidently say we both succeeded.

It was lovely to spend a few days visiting with Mom.  Though she will be missed terribly at the wedding, we all think she made the right decision.

Of course, this trip coincided with The Fiancée's first bridal shower; which obviously, I had to miss.  I did make sure to give her mother my gift, so at least I was there in spirit.  I did find out after the fact that my friend two doors down DID attend to, as she said, "represent the family."  God, I love her.

24 comments:

  1. It's too bad she couldn't attend - but I can totally understand. It's a long way to travel for someone her age! I'm so glad you got to see her. I am Team Clean The House too, I don't want to come home to a mess!

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    1. If I thought it would change her mind, I would have offered to drive up and get her - but I knew it wouldn't so I just kept quiet. The idea of coming home to a messy house makes me shudder.

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  2. We all need to make decisions for ourselves as we age. You did the right thing in accommodating her wishes. I know you will miss her, though.

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    1. We will miss her but she made the right decision, I think.

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  3. Okay, wait a second... FIRST bridal shower? I need more details about that!

    And wow! 92! It is too bad she isn't going to be at the wedding, but I think at 92 you get to make those kinds of decisions. Sounds like it was the right one for her. And how nice that you all got to go celebrate her!

    Like you, I cannot stand to come home to a dirty house. (Plus, I am always certain I will die a fiery death while on vacation, and I don't want my heirs - lol - to have to deal with filth on top of their grief.)

    "I can confidently say we both succeeded." HA! Love that.



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    1. Yes, I said First because my friend two doors down is wanting to throw her one for our friends and family.

      I hadn't factored in the fiery death as a good reason to clean before leaving; but it will be at the top of my mind from now on!

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    2. Ha - always happy to pass on my anxiety to dear friends. And now I feel like my curiosity has been addressed re: the "first" shower. How nice of your friend to do that!

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  4. What a lovely post. I love the humour - and credit to your hubby for committing to staying calm. My husband LOVES efficiency on a trip, but when push comes to shove he can usually channel inner calm about stuff like this too - even if he's inwardly seething.

    92 - congrats to your mom. I'm sorry you missed the shower, but that's fantastic your neighbour went.

    I also try to leave the house CLEAN when I go. It feels wonderful to come back to a clean house, though I'll admit it seems depressing how quickly it gets dirty. Somehow, all the detritus from travel seems to leave little piles of things everywhere. No matter what I do, reentry after a trip always seems like a slog to me?!

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    1. Oh, I KNOW he was seething (had the shoe been on the other foot, I would have been) but he gets a handful of gold stars for keeping it under wraps.

      Our MO for returning from a trip is to un-pack immediately; put everything away and get a load of laundry going. So for a full half hour after we get home everything is still tidy; but then real life creeps back in. It seems the house can only stay tidy if no one is here!

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  5. My mother was a meticulous cleaner too. So far, however, I have NOT turned into her. Thanks for popping by my blog today and leaving a comment!

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    1. If the cleaning is as far as it goes; I'll be happy!

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  6. When I recently forgot to cancel a pricey airbnb that was non-refundable, Coach was very chill about it. I'm glad your hubby took your oopsies in stride. It's a shame she can't be there, but I agree - if she wasn't comfortable, it would've made her miserable.

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    1. Her comfort is of the utmost importance to me; so I am happy in that regard.

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  7. It is too bad that she could not come to the wedding, but it sounds like you pivoted nicely! I also am team Clean The House. I also am team Unpack as Soon as I Get Home. I always empty out my bag fully and put things in the laundry or away in the bathroom or kitchen before going to bed, even if it is very late! I don't want to deal with things when I get home or the next day respectively. I also applaud your husband, as going back an extra hour is a lot! I broke the charger for my phone during my last trip and was annoyed at myself! I had to buy a new one during a VERY tiny window of time between a bus and a ferry and I was rushing around like a madwoman!

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    1. We do the same when we come home; it makes the transition so much smoother. If the cable had been for my personal laptop, I would have just bought a new one; but IT has the work computer locked up so tight I was afraid a new one might render the darn thing useless. Probably not, but that's the way my mind works.

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  8. That must have been such a hard decision for your sweet mom. Sorry she won't be there, but I'm happy to hear you guys fit in a nice visit.
    Who loves coming home to a not-so-clean house? No one. Glad to hear things are progressing nicely with the wedding plans. This is exciting for all of you!

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    1. Thank you, Suz! Yes, the wedding plans are coming along. Hard to believe it will be here in little over a month!

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  9. I'm with you--make the reentry home as easy as possible. I also unpack fully as soon as I get home. It's all very worky, but so worth it.

    Your mom is a sweetheart, likely considering all of you as well as herself, and not wanting the day to be any more difficult for the family (i.e., looking after her, making sure she is attended to, safe, etc). And the travel would be tiring as well. I'm sure it was a difficult decision for her, but it will end up being the right one.

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    1. Definitely worky to deal with it all immediately; but so very worth it.

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  10. Everything happens at once, doesn't it? I understand why you did what you did and think it was wise, fine even. Happy to read that the wedding plans are moving along. Now it is countdown time.

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  11. Dear me! I haven't every attended a shower or helped put together a wedding - I just show up as a guest- it all sounds exhausting.

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  12. Everything has a way of working out, doesn't it? Most importantly, I'm glad you got to spend time with your mom! Mona

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  13. Okay... you didn't tell me you were coming!!! AHHH!!! Not that I could have made the 4 hour drive mind you, because I've also been swamped but I didn't even know I was missing out on feeling guilty about not being able to see you.

    But I'm glad you did go. We wanted a destination wedding but reconsidered because of aging family members not being able to attend. It definitely is hard on them (and us). Fingers crossed it all goes smoothly, and at the right speed so you can enjoy the good stuff.

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