July 25, 2011

Sometimes You Just Can't Find the Words You Need

Exactly what do you say in a condolence card?

Especially one that needs to go to a very special aunt who has lost her son in a horrific way?

How do you tell her that you feel the pain she is feeling?  Not on her level, of course.  Unless you have experienced that particular pain you cannot possibly even begin to imagine how she feels.

My cousin was killed approximately two weeks ago.  I just found out about it less than a week ago.  I don't think I have still completely processed it.  I have a feeling that whomever was ultimately responsible will not walk away with a "murder" charge - but with one of those lesser charges like manslaughter or something equally irrelevant.

The end result is that he is gone.  At 38.  At the hands of someone else.

And that my dear aunt; the one who has told me consistently that I am really her daughter and that my mother stole me from her at birth, is broken.

Completely and totally broken.

I can't even begin to imagine.

The very thought of having Man-Child taken from me - in any way, violent or not - takes my breath away and leaves me sick and shaken.

And so I sit, speechless for once, unable to express my sorrow to her.  Unable to soothe the pain she must be feeling.  Unable to be with her and hold her in this time of immense need.  To know that her son is gone.  Forever.

His life; taken by another.  To know that his last day on this earth was such a difficult and violent one.  To have it played out, in detail, over and over again on the news and in the ethernet.

I look at the pictures of his life of late and can only remember the blond curls and the little grin that he had when he was a little guy and I cry.  For the family broken.  The life left unlived.  The young daughter, and other family, left behind - who must, somehow, pick up the pieces and go on; without him.

And once again, I lift my pen to paper to try and express my immense sorrow.  To try and soothe her.  And again, I fail.


  1. Oh Gig, so sorry for your loss. I think that all you can do is express what you already have... I love you and I'm thinking about you. That's what sheneeds to hear. She needs to know she can call you anytime, for any reason. Maybe a short visit to show her you're there for her. I hope in time that your heart aches a little less. I saw a quote the other day that made me cry "Sleep peacefully. God is awake." Your cousin slumbers in the most peaceful sleep ever. Believe it. HUGS.

  2. I am so sorry. I think that is every mother's worst fear. My prayers go out to you and your aunt's family.

  3. Oh Gigi, so sorry for what has happened. {hugs}

  4. Oh Gigi...I'm so sorry. How sad and horrible. Lee's right. Just tell your aunt that you love her. That's all you can do, really.

    You and your family are in my prayers.

  5. Having been through it myself, I know that the most meaningful words were the heartfelt, "I'm so sorry for your loss." There are no other words, and only time can make the pain subside. My heart goes out to all of you...

  6. Oh my goodness Gigi. I am so sorry to read this. Life just keeps handing you one hard knock after another. Hang in there girl, eventually you'll climb out of this valley.

    And my sincerest condolences to the family of your cousin.

  7. I'm so sorry for your loss. Words are especially hard in situations were so much emotion is involved. At least for me. However, no words at all, is unthinkable.

    Thoughts and prayers.

  8. Oh my gosh, I am so sorry about your loss.

  9. Oh Gigi how awful.. I really do not know what to say except that she will want to talk about it .. and try and be there for her .. thinking of you xx

  10. Sorry to hear about the death of your cousin, Gigi.

    Agreed, it is difficult to come up with the right words without sounding cliche or trite.

    I think you said it perfectly in that post and your aunt should read that. Hugs.

  11. So sorry for your family's loss...and pain. Awful, awful. I don't know what to say other than I'm thinking of you. Take care of yourself. xxxx

  12. So sorry for your loss. As for your aunt just let her know you are there and you love her. That is enough.

  13. I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine the hurt you and your family are feeling. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

  14. The truth is I don't think there are enough words....sending love to your entire family...

  15. Just finding out about this now....cause I catching up on YOU! I am so sorry for your loss! My cousin who was my age was murdered by his wife about 10 years ago and we still don't understand why.