An Open Letter to Jackasses Everywhere - Your Mother Would Be Mortified (FYI - you might want to take note McDonald's)

Dear Sir Jackass -

Did your mother raise you to behave like that?!  I'm hopeful that she didn't - but with the amount of jackassery I witness on a daily basis, I'm beginning to think she did - which, quite honestly, breaks my heart.  Because I can tell you that without a doubt, if I ever even hear a whisper of a rumor that my child MIGHT have behaved in the manner that you did today?  Well, let's just say that he would definitely live to regret his behavior - and no, I don't care if he will be 19 on his birthday next month.  Actually, I would STILL give him hell for it if he was about to turn 50.

Today, I stopped by McDonald's to get my fix a diet soda (hush, we aren't here to discuss my vices - we are here to talk about YOU) when I witnessed your behavior.  And I was APPALLED.

Yes, I realize that this particular McDonald's has recently undergone a renovation which added the "extra" order lane - of which, I can tell you I heartily disagreed with from the start.  Mainly because I had envisioned the EXACT scenario which you proceeded to act out in great detail today.

BAD idea, Micky-Dee! BAD.
(source)

I saw you there, taking your time to place your order as I pulled into the other lane and quickly placed my order for my single item.  I'm sure that kinda ticked you off, since I was able to pull ahead of you - sorry about that.  Quit screwing around while you are ordering; that's the only advice I have for you on that front.  If you don't know what you want then park the car and go inside to figure it out.

The elderly gentleman behind me also placed his order rather quickly.  Yes, maybe you DID complete your order first and was technically "the next person in line" but, from what I could see, the elderly gentleman was driving a gigantic automobile and, most likely, didn't see you over there as he began to nose forward - in front of you.

Your reaction of screaming and cursing at the elderly man was reminiscent of a toddler throwing a tantrum.  And then to make matters worse - you decided that jumping OUT of your car and standing in front of his while screaming obscenities was the best course of action?

Really?!  Where EXACTLY did you determine that this sort of behavior is how a "man" behaves?  Do you actually think this kind of behavior makes you "a man"?  Because, in all honesty, it disgusted me.  And then? To watch you swagger back to your car and pick up your phone - because, I assume, you had to broadcast your behavior all over social media - right about then I had an urge to get out of MY car and rip into you.

I judge you to be about...what?  Mid-twenties, maybe?  So let me give you just a bit of motherly advice, if you will.  Stop it.  Grow up.  And be a man.  What does it take to be a man, you might wonder?  Well, let me tell you.  First of all, don't act like an idiot - or worse, a jackass.  In public or otherwise.  Sure, you were hungry.  I get that, but you know what?  The person at the window offered ME your food (which quite honestly, happens ALL THE TIME at places with this kind of drive-thru system) - and truth be told, I was sorely tempted to take it to give to the homeless man down the street JUST to piss you off that much more when you either got the wrong order or had to wait even longer.  As you must have surmised (which, by the way, basically means "figured out."  Sorry, if my explanation offends you - but by your behavior, I can only assume that you are a Neanderthal - which loosely means, "cave man.") by now, I bypassed that childish impulse.

If you had to wait just a minute more for your damn cheeseburger would it have killed you?  No, probably not.  In other words, "Suck it up and be a man" - which, in case you weren't aware, real men don't behave in that fashion.  No, real men are what they used to call "gentlemen."  If you aren't quite sure what that means, look it up - you know, in a dictionary.  But since I suspect you won't - let me lay it out in quite simple terms - gentlemen don't act like jackasses - as you did today.

And here's just another little bit of motherly wisdom - respect people. Period.  Who the hell do you think you are?  When you find yourself screaming at a person - over a flippin cheeseburger! - I'm thinking it's time to take a step back, look at your life, look at your temper and start re-thinking EVERYTHING about your life, because you?  You are doing something wrong.  You are, in fact, a jackass.

And, I can only hope that your mother would be ashamed to know of your behavior - that she would, in fact, be MORTIFIED.

Yours,

The "If-You-Were-My-Son-I'd-Kill-You" Mom (don't believe me? Ask MY son.  The one I taught to respect other people and act like a gentleman)

P.S. McDonald's? Are you listening?  Sure, this two lane system may be processing orders more quickly, but it is also processing more insane behavior in the jackasses that walk among us.  You might want to re-think that strategy.