October 24, 2010

Perhaps I should just un-invite them

Hubby came to me the other morning and blurted out this rather random question (why yes, we do speak a lot of random in this house - although he claims it's usually just me.  But you and I know better.  Oh okay, you are right - it's usually me) "You know where we ought to move to when we retire?"

My first thought was "Retire? When will that ever happen given the current state of life?" But instead, I piped up with, "The beach!" Because that is where I would truly like to live - well, at least during the majority of the year but not during hurricane season.

He said, "No." (of course.  We are going to have a real problem when it comes to retiring, I can already see).  "Las Vegas."

Now given that this is a man who is not a gambler of any type and the fact that he hates heat this one surprised me.

I know that he figures if we lived somewhere "fun," and "glitzy" and is a "destination" that we might actually get family (specifically his family) to come and visit occasionally. (Although, in my mind the beach meets all those requirements.....)

We live exactly at the half-way point between family up north and family down south - but yet, we've had very few visits from family - despite the fact that the family seems to visit each other up north and down south fairly often.  The icing on this cake?  My brother-in-law's youngest daughter is now in college right across the state line - about an hour and a half from here.  Despite the drives down to settle her in or to visit - we've yet to see anyone - even though you pretty much have to drive through North Carolina in order to reach South Carolina.

For the most part the family seems to like us whenever we visit (because yes, we are expected to do all the visiting) so we can't quite figure out why they don't come here.  Anyone that has come for a visit is given the royal treatment and goes home exclaiming what a wonderful time they've had and how hospitable we are.

Hubby's mother has been to visit maybe once.  She kind of gets a pass as she is older and can't be expected to make the nine hour drive.  She doesn't like to fly - although she's been known to fly to Florida several times - much to my annoyance.  I mean seriously.  It's under an hour to fly here versus however long it takes to fly to Florida.

Hubby's sister has been a few times - after we guilted her into it.  She makes the trip from Florida up north at least once a year.  Her argument for not stopping?  It was 45 minutes out of their way.  Seriously???  Once we guilted her into it - they would stop for an overnight visit.  Staying only about 12 hours before heading out to spend a week or two up north - and never stopping on the way back.  She hasn't been back since we asked her not to stop 3 years ago because we had just moved that weekend and weren't prepared for company - we didn't have any of the beds set up or had even begun the process of sorting out the boxes.

Hubby's brother?  Has never visited.  Ever.  This, I think, is what hurts Hubby the most as they are close.  Brother - has no excuses.  Especially now that his daughter is so close.  Hell, he wouldn't even have to come here - just tell us that he is in South Carolina and we would drive down to meet him.  But yet, this same brother is constantly badgering us to come up for a visit.

Even when I was planning a huge (and I mean HUGE) bash for Hubby's 50th and personally invited them - not a one showed up - much less gave a decent excuse.  This I know, hurt him deeply.

I love Hubby's family, I really do.  They are wonderful people - except for this.  Not only is my husband deprived of his family - my son is also deprived as he has not had the opportunity to get to know his aunt and uncle or his cousins.

It's not like we smell funny.  We don't (I've checked).  We have plenty of room for visitors.  We make people feel welcome.  We don't live in a backwater area - there is plenty to do here if you don't want to actually visit with us and would rather see the sights.  It is the most baffling thing.

We've invited them repeatedly.  I've made pointed comments - so many, in fact, that Hubby has asked me to refrain - as it makes him uncomfortable.   But, apparently doesn't make the family uncomfortable enough in my opinion.

So when I asked why Las Vegas - he responded "So every time someone asks to come visit - we could say we are too busy for them."

The hurt shines through.


  1. That really is mystifying. And the 50th birthday bash, that was just mean of them. I don't blame you for being hurt. I myself would much rather visit family than have them come here, since we don't have the room and they do. Your situation is different, though. Very curious!

  2. That is very sad. My hubby has been hurt by his family so he pushes them away. It is up to me to be the social one. Ugh.

  3. Awe, that is so sad! It is hurtful when someone we know and love does not make time for us.

  4. You certainly aren't the first person I've heard of, with this issue. I've also heard the opposite... family expecting to be catered to and entertained, that doesn't know when to leave.

  5. I know exactely how you feel. My husband sister can go with her husband to FL but only comes to see us when we beg her to. What really hurt is when they didn't come to our daughters wedding several years ago. I can't even count the number of times I have been to CA but I sure can count how many times my cousins have been to my house. I agree it's strange.

  6. Ah bless. They must be a strange bunch if they don't want to take up your hospitality. Their Loss xxx

  7. I'm sure my invitation got lost in the mail because I so would have come! I love North Carolina and being in Utah I miss all the green. No one visits me either, don't know why, finally I don't care why either.

  8. That would be hurtful. It's a shame that they are like that.

  9. that sucks. family can be jerks sometimes.

  10. I really don't see the sad part in any of this. Maybe it's just my warped mind, but sometimes it's a blessing you're too far for family to visit. My favorite phrase to unknown answers...WHATEVER!

  11. I think you really need to think this through..... is having company stay at your house a good thing? It happens a lot for me, and it is A LOT of work! And in no way a vacation!!! I am thinking you lucked out.

    Props to your hubby though, his Vegas idea is PERFECT!!!

  12. That's really sad. Family can be so strange can't they. :( xx

  13. Ahh. families. Everyone's family has issues. EVERYONE I know, in some form or another. I don't think I will ever understand most motivations people have to do the crazy things they do, or don't do.

  14. Unfortunately, I know all about issues such as these.

    At Christmas time, I feel guilty about not spending a lot of time at my parents because I'm the only child out of four that visits them. Well, there's one other that will visit a couple of times a year for like an hour at a time. There's me, one brother, and three step-brothers. All but one of us live in the same city, only 1.5 hours from my mom & step-dad, yet the other 3 that live this close don't visit, and rarely call and in fact, the step-brothers will often forget to call their father (my step-father) on his birthday and Father's Day and there has been many times when the only call or present he gets is from me, his step-daughter. It's sad. Not too mention they don't have much to do with me either. I've tried to be close with them but you get tired of doing all the work!

  15. Aw. "The hurt shines through" is right. WTH is their problem? This is totally baffling.

    I think that some ppl just want everyone to come to THEM. I know it's no excuse...and it doesn't explain why they'll make the trip OVER YOU to see each other.

    I feel bad for hubby...that's gotta sting.