Yes, I realize it's been a while since I last posted. And thank you for the inquiries - I'm fine. Promise.
I've just been in a quiet mood. An introspective mood, if you will. Shocking, I know. But then again stranger things happen every day.
I read something the other day that has apparently struck a chord in me as I am still thinking about it days later - instead of having it fall through one of the many cracks in my memory, as so many other things do so very often.
Of course, when I read it I didn't have pen on me to copy it down - or even my trusty phone to take a picture of it so I could decipher it later. So I've had to rely on my faulty brain to try and remember the gist of it.
Basically, it said something along the lines of not mourning what was - but realizing that was not the path you were meant to be on anymore.
That helped me to realize that despite my chatter about change being a good thing (at least in relation to the change ups at the office) that I have been very resistant to the change that has taken place in my own house since Hubby lost his job.
At first - while very angry about the way it happened - I seemed to be okay with it. I knew that his former place of employment was toxic and unhealthy for him. I knew how unhappy he'd been there. So I was of the opinion that his being let go would be a "good thing."
Then the months dragged on and prospects were dim. I knew that none of this was his fault. It wasn't his fault he was let go. It wasn't his fault there were no jobs to be found. It wasn't his fault the economy had taken a nose dive.
But I had become resentful and angry - not at him (though it probably seemed that way to him) but at the situation. I wanted that security back.
Then Hubby began to talk about starting a business. Although the plan is a good one - the idea terrified me (still does). This is NOT the time to take that kind of gamble - that was my first thought.
But after reading that passage - which I'm still convinced I haven't conveyed properly - I have begun to realize that maybe now is the time to take that gamble. And that maybe this is the path we are meant to be on right now. And though it is a risk - what do we have to lose? We may have to make some changes to accommodate for it. But this is where we are and I need to accept it and see where it takes us.
I remember when we first moved to North Carolina - neither of us had jobs. And I wasn't worried. Because this was a change I had wanted to make. So I figured it would all work out in the end. And it did.
So, now I'm trying to adopt that same carefree attitude I had back then. And you know what? Already, I feel better.