June 12, 2011

Dear God - it's only 7:45 pm?????? He's lucky I like him.....

Why yes, that is early....even for me.

But let me tell you; last night was a bear!  An absolute bear!

I went to bed early-ish.  Around 9:30 pm or so - simply because I couldn't take any more of the heat, the humanity or pretty much of anything.

(I've been in a mood; can you tell? And here I'd thought I'd been hiding it pretty well....)

The problem with going to bed early-ish (oh, all right!!  EARLY - in "normal people" time) is that you tend to wake earlier.

Normally, this isn't a problem as I usually get up early, early during the week (when do you think I spend most of my time reading your blogs?).  But on the weekends, I try to stay up later in order to sleep in a bit.  Not as much as I used to, admittedly, but a bit.

At any rate....I couldn't take anymore so I put myself to bed.  Once snuggled in, I fell right to sleep.  To sleep the sleep of the innocent.

When all of a sudden - out of nowhere, I tell you! - I was woken up (at 2:30 am) when Hubby came lumbering his way to bed.  After waking himself from his "nap" on the couch.

Now this, you should be told, is normal.  We do this dance often.  He falls asleep on the couch for a "nap" and I head to bed (believe me, I've tried waking him up - it does no good).  He wakes up and spends some time watching television and then he comes to bed, I sleep through it.  No big deal.

But last night?  Oh My God!

I guess because I had already slept the Mom-Requisite 3 hours or more, he woke me up.  Fine, whatever.  Shut up and go to sleep.

Except this time he fell asleep first.  This is a definite NO-NO in this house.  If he falls asleep first then I am DOOMED.  Because he snores.  He snores like he is putting on a performance.

If I'm already asleep this does not bother me - because, as it has been well-documented in the past, I can literally sleep through a hurricane without blinking an eye.

But if I'm not asleep first then every breath, sigh, twitch or muscle-tic of his feels like a tsunami is occurring on my side of the bed and I cannot, for love of mother or country, fall back asleep; which makes me a *tad* witchy (for lack of a better word....).

Then he begins to snore.  I cannot begin to describe the sounds that were emanating from that man - but be sure, they were not human.

I tried the usual....kicking him and telling him to roll over.  Nothing.

I tried the next level....punching him in the arm and telling him to roll over.  Nothing.

I tried the extreme level.....threatening to smother (and stab) him (this usually works wonders on his subconscious).  Nothing.

After two hours of this hell, I decided it was either him or me......

Guess who ended up sleeping on the couch (and who could *still* hear him? Behind a closed door and down a flight of stairs?) and waking up far earlier than she intended?

Guess who is also struggling to stay awake for it to get late enough for her to go to bed - while giving HIM the evil eye as he slumbers away on the couch?  Guess who is also having murderous thoughts right about now?

He's lucky I like him.


  1. I too wake up early, early and even on weekends, as much as I want to, I can't sleep in. Clementine snores like crazy but i just put her to bed with Mo and then I sleep just fine!

  2. Oh how I can relate to this! My last resort is pinching his nose which forces him awake. Angry- but awake and NOT snoring. And I laughed at the kicking because that is the first thing I do too. Hahahahaha

  3. I got my guy to stop sleeping on his back and he doesn't snore then. But I know exactly what you mean: if I wake in the middle of the night for any reason, his little sounds are like a cannon. I stick in my ear plugs at that point and drift back to sleep.

  4. Hold on a minute... did you just reach into my life and find this post? I'm still trying to figure out how someone could make so much noise, AND SLEEP THROUGH IT!

  5. lmao. Hubby snores like that too- lately he's taken to sleeping on the couch, which is FINE with me.

  6. Ohhhh...I've been there. I find a sharp stick poked into the side of the snorer gets pretty fast action.

  7. Yep - I have to fall asleep before mine, too.'Too funny.

  8. I am extremely good at snoring too :) my partner puts her ear plugs in when I really get going.
    I have tried every remedy in the book, from nasal plaster to throat sprays to magnetic nose clips and nothing truly works other than a two mile walk before going to bed.

    You have my commiserations.

  9. Thank God my husband now has a Cpap machine. If he didn't I don't know where I would be sleeping! So I completely understand what you are going through! Have you tried ear plugs? My sister in law bought some that really do work well!

  10. Oh dear! The only snorer in our family is our cat. Usually if I wake in the night, there's no problem. Exception: if I wake and have a great idea for my book. Then it's all over

  11. Oh I do NOT miss the snoring! Thank Goodness the Captain doesn't snore! But we still live 1000 miles apart so I probably wouldn't hear it anyway...

    Your man is lucky to be alive in my book....

  12. Poor you...my H used to come to bed in the middle of the night too and wake me up, I totally empathise because it is awful. I can understand why some couples have separate bedrooms! X


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