June 24, 2011

Now you see why I never tell you anything important-it takes too much time and energy

You know, every once in a while I want to tell you about some of the family drama going on (no, not my immediate, little family; they are always fair game - but stuff that goes on in the bigger family) and then I think, "But if I tell them this then I'll have to explain that and that and that and that and THAT."  And so on and so on and so on.....

And then I get tired and decide to leave well enough alone.  Because as one friend once said to me - "Wait.  Let me write this all down so I can get it straight" as I was trying to explain a particularly difficult and complex situation.

Yup, that's me.  The one with a majorly dysfunctional family.  As the same friend also mentioned - if I ever get it all down onto paper I will have a major best-seller and/or soap opera on my hands.  Unfortunately, my brain doesn't remember a majority of it and, since I neglected to actually keep a record of it all, it's mostly gone.

At any rate, my father has to have a bypass.  I got the news on Saturday.  Yup, the day before Father's Day. Fun.  THAT makes for lighthearted conversation on Father's Day - let me tell you.

He, of course, acts like it's no big deal and he will be home in two days.

Yes, with the miracles of modern medicine, a bypass probably isn't that big of a deal anymore, especially considering that MD Anderson is right there and it's totally possible he will be home in two days....but the thing is...he isn't going to his home.  And, it's MY Dad and not just a statistic.

Apparently, his wife (who has a very severe lung disease and needs to be on oxygen treatments constantly) has kicked him out.

He, of course, acts like this isn't a big deal either.  I mean really?  At the age of 70 or so - who HAS this kind of drama??  I'm thinking if I hit my 70's, my life better pretty darn routine without any hiccups like that coming along out of nowhere.

From what I've been told - which is precious little - he is staying with his daughter and son-law.  And, according to him (and the daughter in-law) she is in a snit and because she isn't getting enough oxygen to her brain is a tad unreasonable right now and has reached a point where she can't care for him anymore; which is funny because I thought he was caring for her at this point.

And, of course, no one bothered to tell me any of this while it was happening.  No, they wait until I call my dad (at his house) to wish him a happy birthday a month or so ago.  Whereupon I am informed that he no longer lives there and will NEVER live there again.  Another fun conversation.

Anyway, back to the present.  Dad acts like everything is fine - the bypass is no big deal - and to not even think about trying to come.  THEN my son gets a message from the daughter in-law on FaceBook.  Since he isn't as locked down as I am, he was the only one she was able to find.

She is asking him to see if there is any way I CAN come.

Apparently, the week of the surgery coincides with their son's wedding.  And, if I can't come, can I contact my brother (who fell of the face of the earth - at least when it comes to me - when my mother died 12 years ago-see why this gets complicated?) and see if he can help.  Because, apparently, even though he lives "down the road a piece" (Texas-speak for about 15-20 minutes away) no one can seem to reach him.

This, of course, throws me into a total panic.  Because, with our situation at the moment, there is no way in hell that I can get to Texas and just how in the hell am I supposed to contact my brother (who, according to Dad - the only person with any contact with him AT ALL - has moved and his phone has been disconnected)?

I turn to the all-mighty power that is the Internet.  Namely, FaceBook.  Despite the fact that his name is a very common one, I am able to run him down fairly quickly.  I sent him a private message and waited.

I finally got a response that he would "take care of it" (but really??  Can I trust him to "take care of it"? I've trusted him to do so before with miserable results).  So we shall see.  Maybe age has graced him with some responsibility....which somehow, I doubt.

Now to the reason for this post.  FaceBook continues to irritate me.  Yes, yes....it has supposedly helped in an emergency-situation but do you know what I read on long lost brother's page?

"Just got a message from my sister I haven't talked to in 12 years...."

And tell me, brother-dear, just WHOSE fault is it that we haven't talked in 12 years???!!!!  I know, I know.  I shouldn't jump the gun.  But I HAVE left the door open.  I have sent him a Christmas card every damn year - WITH our current address and everything.  Sometimes I even include phone numbers and email addresses.  Never a word.  In fact, it turns out that the address I was sending the cards to WASN'T EVEN HIS!  It was our cousin's though - so, at least the card was getting passed on.  But he couldn't even be bothered to tell me what his correct address might be.

The only news I get about him is from Dad - who would hear from him once in a blue moon.  And, in fact, the last time I was home, he KNEW I was there but never once came by - despite the fact that he lived "down the road a piece."  In fact, from what Dad was telling me, he saw my brother MAYBE once a year, if that.  The man has distanced himself from his whole family.

But despite the urge, I didn't say a word about it.  I kept it civil. I gave him my email and cell number and told him to keep me updated.  Will that happen?  We shall see.

And this is why you only get bits and pieces.  Because if I had to go into this much detail (still leaving out major bits, I know) just to tell you my dad needs surgery, can you only imagine what it must be like to be living it?  And there's the fact that it took me a week to compose this post (a WEEK! It never takes this long!).  Now?  Now, I'm exhausted.  And I need a drink. *sigh*


  1. I really think we are sisters. This drama sounds all to familiar. Hang in there, and if you need an ear I'm always willing to listen. Heck, I'll probably share my own family drama. It's on both sides- my family and my husband's family. Ugh- it's a wonder I ever leave my house.

  2. AND, I could write a whole book on my husband's ex-wife. Crack-head thinks that even though she abandoned her kids that they should still be at her beck and call. And seriously her beck and calls are MESSED up. I should have stopped at my first comment. Now I'm all riled up. Sorry.

  3. Well.. I have spoken to my birth father in 10 years. Last time I talked to him, his girlfriend (of the time) was telling him lies about stuff I said (I'm really boring, I don't cause a lot of trouble, really). He said, (and this is kind of funny), "I'll take care of it".

    Nearly two years ago I stopped talking to my birth brother because turns out, sharing the same genes as our father can in fact turn you into a giant asshole.

    I got an email from my father. Who I hadn't heard from in 8 years at that time (as it was 2 years ago) and he said the only reason we don't talk doesn't have anything to do with him. I didn't write him back. When you're dealing with someone that *delusional*, there's really nothing you can say to them.

    I have an Aunt that stole money from my grandmother's (her mothers) estate too.

    Three step-brothers (who have been my step-brothers for nearly 20 years), NEVER talk to one of them, another one only when they want something and the third is a good guy but too wrapped up in his own life to stay in touch properly.

    Anywho, long story to tell you: I understand!

  4. Please don't take offense, Gigi, but I'm relieved to hear I'm not the only one that deals with family drama. Today has been one of those days of drama and I'm exhausted.

  5. Well, I don't have anything near that exciting in my family, although most of them are in Texas, too. It doesn't sound like a very loving situation, but then there's your dad who makes a bypass sound like he's getting a dental checkup. Not! My mom had one years ago (she's gone now) and it was MAJOR.

    I hope you can make it there, he needs somebody around who can at least act like an adult... :-)

  6. This is why you have to update us DAILY! Then we know all the dirt on the fam....I'm with you Gigi, please at 70 let me be sitting in a yoga studio with not a care in the world...and great ab muscles :)
    Chin up sweet lady!

  7. Hmm...I've gotten that exact same spam msg. about boycotting American women...

    Gigi, I swear my family drama riivals yours! In my case, it's my father who acts like your brother does. I send him a Christmas card, Father's Day, etc. every year but that is the extent of my efforts anymore. Some relationships are just too much work. Anyway, my dad has made no effort to contact me or to know his grandchildren. A couple of months ago I received a two page typewritten letter in the mail in which he accused me of all sorts of things (none true!), informed me that he will never forgive me for keeping his grandchildren away from him, and then ended it by saying something about how it would be nice to be back in touch.

    I didn't respond to his letter. I've gotten to the point in my life where I have enough drama with the teenagers - I don't really need any more! As I said, some relationships are just too much effort.

    Good luck to you!

  8. It sounds like a lot of folks can relate to the drama here in some fashion, Gigi (I haven't heard from one of my sisters in 15 years). You're right, you'd have a best seller...

    Best of luck for your dad's bypass.

  9. So relieved to hear that there are others out there who deal with family drama every day. Makes me feel almost normal. ;)

  10. ACK! Gah, that is insane. I am so sorry you're going through this. I hope your dad's surgery goes well. Keep us updated. Is it okay if I pray for him?

  11. For some reason some brothers are like that. My husbands only comes around when he doesn't have any place to live.

    Surely they won't let your dad out of the hospital until he's ok. Especially if theres no one at home to take care of him. I know you are worried!