August 17, 2012

The nest......tis truly empty.

Today was "the" day.

Yesterday we spent the day packing and sorting.  And I'm sure Man-Child was one step ahead of me....removing any evidence that he didn't want Mom's eyes to see.

Last night was spent picking up the rental van (this really reminded me of how ticked off I was about the truck's transmission dying), packing the van and falling into bed from exhaustion.....oh wait.  It was only ME that fell into bed from exhaustion......

The day began before the sun was even up.  We were all dressed and out the door by 7:00 am.

Along the way, I could immediately pick out which other cars were ferrying students off to college by the sheer volume of stuff that was crammed in them.  Either that or there had been a HUGE sale somewhere on microwaves and mini-fridges.

When we arrived at the college, we were directed to the dorm and instructed to pull up and then volunteers quickly emptied our car.  Man-Child went to sign in and we were told where we could park and how to catch the shuttle back.

By the time we made it back to his room, he had already organized all of his clothes and was putting everything else away.  There wasn't much left for me to do to help.  So I made his bed.  Well, I should say I attempted to make his bed.  The beds are semi-lofted (reaching about the height of my chest) so I couldn't reach to get the sheets on to the side by the wall.  So, it became a "family" affair which had me in semi-hysterical laughter because as one of us would tug the fitted corner on it would pop off another corner and so on; I swear I have never seen so much difficulty when putting on a fitted sheet.  We also discovered, that in our haste to leave the house this morning, he'd forgotten the power cord to the laptop; which is kind of an essential piece of the equipment.  We promised to overnight mail it to him.

After which we decided to take a quick walk around campus.  And immediately got lost.  And MC was getting increasingly crabby.  He claims he was having intestinal issues.  Personally, I think he was ready for us to scram.

After we made it back to the dorm they we decided the best option would be to go pick up the car and grab some lunch.  I really didn't want to do lunch at all.  Because I knew that once lunch was over we would have no other excuse to stay.

As we walked out into the parking lot after lunch; which was across the street from his dorm, he was grinning ear to ear (why did he have to seem so happy to see us go?!).  As he hugged me, I tried to hold back the tears.  And I was fairly successful.  I told him to be good and to be careful.  And that I loved him.  I don't think he realizes just how much I love him.  As Hubby murmured something about this being a "good" experience for him, I replied that it wouldn't be "good" for me.

I couldn't watch as he turned and walked away.  I knew if I did that I would completely lose it.  So I got in the car and waited for Hubby.

The drive home was extremely quiet.  I would tear up every once in a while, but for the most part kept it together.  When we were about twenty minutes away from the house my phone rang.  His name was in the display and, of course, my heart was in my throat.  My first thought wondered what could be wrong already!

Of course, it was nothing serious.  One of the video games he'd packed had fallen out of its box and abandoned in the van.  He asked if I could send that on as well as the power cord.

Upon arriving home around 2:00 pm there was no rest for the weary.  We immediately gathered the items he needed and jumped back into our cars.  Hubby to gas up the rental and me to the local FedEx.  We agreed to meet back at the airport where I could drive him home.

When the clerk announced the cost of sending the package overnight, for Saturday delivery, I'm sure she was a little taken aback to notice tears in my eyes.  Tears from the cost and, more likely, from the fact that I realized I was standing in a FedEx store MAILING stuff to my son.  The realization that he is not within a few minutes driving distance from me really brought home the fact that he is gone.

Once we got home for good, I immediately went upstairs and set to work on cleaning MC's pigsty room.  I swear I've never seen dust bunnies so huge!  I think a couple may have even growled at me.  I texted him a picture of how nice his room looked.  No reply as of yet.

The truth is, I think I'm numb.  I'm too tired and the separation is too fresh for me to really comprehend it all.

I KNOW this is a great experience for him.  But I also know in the coming days it will be really hard for me as our new normal falls into place.  That even though this will be good for him - it won't be good for me.

As sad as I am that he's not here I'm also very excited for him.  He is standing on the brink of his future.  His life is still un-mapped and uncharted.  Where he will end up is anyone's guess.  And as his mother, I will stand back and let him go - despite not wanting to - and will cheer him on as he becomes who he is meant to be.

As for tomorrow?  Well, tomorrow I plan to clean his bathroom.  But before I do, does anyone know where I can pick up a cheap Haz-Mat suit?

10 comments:

  1. Okay, I have to admit to tearing up a little bit. I know those feelings, all too well, though not for mine going away to college. I'm here if you need me.

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  2. Oh Gigi, big ((Hugs)) sent your way! And if memory serves correctly, I used those big, yellow, gloves to clean the bathroom after my boys left. The kind that were used oh so long ago to do dishes. :)

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  3. Oh, big hugs to you. I cannot imagine all of the emotions going through your mind right now, but just know I am thinking about you.

    And....I have heard it gets easier.....xo

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  4. It doesn't help to hear that it does indeed get easier, but I just have to tell you that it does. If I were you, I'd line up a bunch of things to do in the next week or two so you won't be obsessing on his absence. I'm thinking about you and sending you lots of cyber-hugs. :-)

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  5. Well ... the thing is ... the way it was for us ...

    What I'm trying to say is, without seeming callous and unfeeling, is that ... the buggers come back!!!

    And when they do, they are different!!!

    They KNOW EVERYTHING!!!

    And ... more to the point ... they think you know NOTHING!!!

    Been there, done it, wife shed the tears!

    But they came home and broke her heart because they turned into monsters!

    I really, really hope MC, when he returns, does not turn out to be a Student From Hell, like our two did!

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  6. I can remember being the one packed off to college, and my parents leaving. I was excited!! Now, I can't imagine it being the othe way around. You have raised a good boy, he'll be fine. He's turning into the man he was destined to be! You and hubby will transition into a different life- be patient and kind to each other! You may remember WHY you actually married him (hehehe). Why not look locally for a fun art or music class to take? Or better yet- WINE tasting!! HUGS

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  7. huge belated hugs (I was on holiday). I cried so much reading those last few posts, remembering my parents dropping me off for the first time at uni, my mum making sure I'd unpacked and then getting draw liners because she didn't want my clothes to feel damp. I hope MC keeps in touch with you like I did with my mum (every week on a Sunday) but not for the first week hard as it may be for you that first week has to be just him getting to know everything.

    You know that you and hubs will be fine, talking may not be needed but time together will make you stronger.

    BNM

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  8. I understand that numb feeling. I hope your son enjoys college. And your survive cleaning his room.

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  9. WWWWAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH I am totally crying. And I don't cry at blogs too often. MAN this was so hard to read.

    Gigi I feel everything you are feeling - I can imagine how hard it was to let him go. Well, I can't but I can. I'm sorry you have to go through it but I know my parents went through it and I will too.

    ((((HUGS)))))

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  10. This was me last year. The hardest part was only hearing from him once or twice a week. I'm not going to tell you it will be easy, but you'll get through it. Hugs!

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