Yesterday we spent the day packing and sorting. And I'm sure Man-Child was one step ahead of me....removing any evidence that he didn't want Mom's eyes to see.
Last night was spent picking up the rental van (this really reminded me of how ticked off I was about the truck's transmission dying), packing the van and falling into bed from exhaustion.....oh wait. It was only ME that fell into bed from exhaustion......
The day began before the sun was even up. We were all dressed and out the door by 7:00 am.
Along the way, I could immediately pick out which other cars were ferrying students off to college by the sheer volume of stuff that was crammed in them. Either that or there had been a HUGE sale somewhere on microwaves and mini-fridges.
When we arrived at the college, we were directed to the dorm and instructed to pull up and then volunteers quickly emptied our car. Man-Child went to sign in and we were told where we could park and how to catch the shuttle back.
By the time we made it back to his room, he had already organized all of his clothes and was putting everything else away. There wasn't much left for me to do to help. So I made his bed. Well, I should say I attempted to make his bed. The beds are semi-lofted (reaching about the height of my chest) so I couldn't reach to get the sheets on to the side by the wall. So, it became a "family" affair which had me in semi-hysterical laughter because as one of us would tug the fitted corner on it would pop off another corner and so on; I swear I have never seen so much difficulty when putting on a fitted sheet. We also discovered, that in our haste to leave the house this morning, he'd forgotten the power cord to the laptop; which is kind of an essential piece of the equipment. We promised to overnight mail it to him.
After which we decided to take a quick walk around campus. And immediately got lost. And MC was getting increasingly crabby. He claims he was having intestinal issues. Personally, I think he was ready for us to scram.
After we made it back to the dorm
As we walked out into the parking lot after lunch; which was across the street from his dorm, he was grinning ear to ear (why did he have to seem so happy to see us go?!). As he hugged me, I tried to hold back the tears. And I was fairly successful. I told him to be good and to be careful. And that I loved him. I don't think he realizes just how much I love him. As Hubby murmured something about this being a "good" experience for him, I replied that it wouldn't be "good" for me.
I couldn't watch as he turned and walked away. I knew if I did that I would completely lose it. So I got in the car and waited for Hubby.
The drive home was extremely quiet. I would tear up every once in a while, but for the most part kept it together. When we were about twenty minutes away from the house my phone rang. His name was in the display and, of course, my heart was in my throat. My first thought wondered what could be wrong already!
Of course, it was nothing serious. One of the video games he'd packed had fallen out of its box and abandoned in the van. He asked if I could send that on as well as the power cord.
Upon arriving home around 2:00 pm there was no rest for the weary. We immediately gathered the items he needed and jumped back into our cars. Hubby to gas up the rental and me to the local FedEx. We agreed to meet back at the airport where I could drive him home.
When the clerk announced the cost of sending the package overnight, for Saturday delivery, I'm sure she was a little taken aback to notice tears in my eyes. Tears from the cost and, more likely, from the fact that I realized I was standing in a FedEx store MAILING stuff to my son. The realization that he is not within a few minutes driving distance from me really brought home the fact that he is gone.
Once we got home for good, I immediately went upstairs and set to work on cleaning MC's
The truth is, I think I'm numb. I'm too tired and the separation is too fresh for me to really comprehend it all.
I KNOW this is a great experience for him. But I also know in the coming days it will be really hard for me as our new normal falls into place. That even though this will be good for him - it won't be good for me.
As sad as I am that he's not here I'm also very excited for him. He is standing on the brink of his future. His life is still un-mapped and uncharted. Where he will end up is anyone's guess. And as his mother, I will stand back and let him go - despite not wanting to - and will cheer him on as he becomes who he is meant to be.
As for tomorrow? Well, tomorrow I plan to clean his bathroom. But before I do, does anyone know where I can pick up a cheap Haz-Mat suit?