I am exhausted (again, thanks to Hubby) but still....I Remember

No.  This time he did not physically assault me in his sleep.  Lucky him, since I swore that I would kill him if it happened again.

No.  This time instead of hitting me in his sleep, around 3:00 am he violently jumped out of bed and began making odd noises;  "HE! HE! HE! HE! HE! HE! HE! HE!" and making his way out of the bedroom and down the stairs; where he was headed and what help he was looking for; I just don't know.

Apparently, he couldn't catch his breath and was freaking out.  And me right along with him; all the while yelling, "Should I call 911?!" and him shaking his head and gasping, "NUH! HE! HE! NUH! HE! HE!"  I have since determined that if anything major does happen he will be in a boatload of trouble all because he will never allow me to call 911.

Needless to say, once again I did NOT sleep well for the remainder of the night. *sigh*  I have asked him if he could possibly, just maybe let me get a full night's sleep tonight.  He just sighed like I was asking too much of him.

In the cold light of day, he has determined that he must go on a diet.  He thinks that his weight might have contributed to the problem last night.  Maybe it did.  Maybe it didn't.  Personally, I think he is under a lot of stress and it's coming out in his sleep.  But either way, he does need to lose some weight, if only to help keep his blood pressure under control.

Anyway.....on to the main point of this posting today.....

In the three years I've been on this blog, I've only posted actual words about this date once.  Usually, I just put up a picture with a title like "We Remember" and leave it at that.

That is because although I do remember and I will never forget (despite my poor, poor memory) - I don't have the words to describe what this day makes me feel.  So I back off.  I let those who actually have the skill of using words do it for me.  But today, I felt the urge to try.  Forgive me; because I know my words are but a mere drop in the bucket as to expressing the sheer horror of that day.

Today dawned, as it has (if I recall correctly) for the the majority of the past 11 years, as almost an exact replica of that horrible day.  It was bright and beautiful, you know....the kind of day when you just know it is going to be an awesome, AWESOME day.  A day full of wonderful possibilities.  Not a cloud in the sky.  And once again, I wished for rain.  Yes.  Me.  Wishing for rain.  Something, anything, to change it up.

For some reason, the bright, blue sky seems to bring it all back all the more vividly.  And I'd rather not remember the feelings I was having that day; because it's hard.  And it hurts.  It physically hurts.

But, as you all know, you can't bury your head in the sand and forget what today is...we are surrounded by it.  Every time you turn on the news.  Every time you turn on the radio.  Every time you write a "While You Were Out" message.  Type a letter.  It's there.  And it will continue to be there for those of us that were either affected that day or who can physically remember it.

I remember that I had a small radio at my desk that day.  I'd only been there a few months and had already figured out that I needed an escape until I could find my way into the department I was meant to be in.  Way back then we actually had  the Bob & Sheri Show on the air here.  These days, because some bonehead cancelled the show, I can only listen to the show via podcast, which I've only discovered a few years ago.

That morning, I listened as they told us what was happening live.  I was stunned.  No, I was more than stunned.  I sat listening in disbelief.  This could NOT be happening.  But it was.  Oh dear God, it WAS.

Today, as they have for (I assume) the past eleven years, they ran a tribute which includes much of what was aired that day.  It nearly kills me every time I hear it.  Because I can clearly remember the shock.  The anger.  The utter horror.  The feeling of "why?!"  Why would people hate us so much to cause this kind of devastation?  What have we done to deserve this; what have the innocent children done to deserve this kind of hatred?  And so many more feelings.  I can't even begin to describe the emotions.

And I pulled my little family closer.  I held them tighter.  I loved them, and my friends, even more fiercely.

So as today, a day of remembrance and mourning, comes to a close I continue to pray.  I pray for the people that died.  Those that gave their lives.  I pray for their families.  I pray for the firefighters, the policemen, and the countless others who risked their lives trying to save others.  I pray for a solution.  I pray for us all.  But most of all, I pray that we never forget.  That from the ashes of that day, we learn peace.  And love for our fellow man.  Because, obviously, we need it.

I remember.....

(source)