May 17, 2011

They say bad things come in threes - so we should be good for a while.

The past few days have been rough.

Really rough.

In the past few days, I've had to deal with death, divorce and car accidents.

It's too much for me to process at once.

So, of course, I will spill it here.

Friday we got the awful news that a co-worker had lost his wife unexpectedly.

His WIFE!  The one he has been with FOREVER.  The one he'd been with since college.  The one that put him through law school.  The one that (you could tell) he loved beyond all measure.

This one struck me the most as I have never known anyone to lose someone so close.  Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, Parents....yeah, I've been there.  But a SPOUSE?

This was a first (and please God - hopefully the last).  We've all been in shock - which, apparently, we all deal with in our own way.  Some of us gave the appearance of having no heart and others....well, let's just say they show themselves in their true light which some would call selfish and bitchy.  The memorial service is Thursday and to tell the truth I am dreading it.  I'm just at a total loss.  And I figure if I'm at a loss, how must he be feeling?!?!?!  And I just don't have the words in me to express my sorrow for him.  I have truly been losing sleep over this news; because it's just so horrific and brings to mind of what the future could bring to this little family someday.

The divorce - well, I've mentioned it a time or two before.  But it looks like (finally) she has accepted the inevitable; that there is no other out and that she will have to be the one to end all; once and for all.  What galls me to no end is the way he is behaving.  Seriously people.  Be ticked off at your (ex)spouse; that is fine and even expected.  But do NOT hide your head in the sand and ignore the needs of YOUR children in order to "show" your ex.  That is not cool.  AND?  It will seriously hinder any friendship you might think you have with the friends.  Because, yeah, when you act like THAT; people will take sides and it won't be yours; especially me.  Me?  Yeah, you might want to worry about what I will have to say to you should I see your sorry-ass again.

The car accident?  Glad you asked.  That is the least of my worries, for the moment.  As you all know, Man-Child had his first accident not too long ago.  Yesterday marked his second.  The first accident - totally unavoidable.  This one - not so much.

About a month ago our garage door broke...again (damn new house! Is it too much to expect everything to work properly in a [fairly] NEW house?).  At this point in time, the garage door is the least of our worries so it hasn't been on our To-Do list.

So we've all been parking in the driveway and doing the car-shuffle to get out.  So far it's been fine.

Yesterday, MC was heading out for a late weight-training.  My car was parked behind his - which is unusual on Mondays as usually his training is on Tuesdays and early enough that I get home first.  I'm sitting on the back porch perusing some blogs when I hear a loud *CRUNCH!!*

And I knew.  I immediately knew.

I ran inside and toward the door and Hubby was headed out the door; thinking the worst.  I knew he was thinking about the incredibly busy street at the end of our drive - but I was ahead of the game since I already had an idea of what had happened.

And sure enough....

Man-Child had hopped in the car and began to back out without a care in the world - because in his mind, I *should* have been parked in front of him - and slammed into my car.

Luckily, we were parked back-end to back-end.  No serious damage; in fact you can't even tell that either car was hit.

When I came outside (in the spirit of trying to keep things light) I informed him that I wouldn't sue.  Bless his heart, he was SO upset.

In my mind?  I hope these "minor" accidents serve to remind him of just how mindful he needs to be while behind the wheel because it only takes a second for something to go wrong.

Now here is where I should end this post with something relevant, wise and deep.  But all I can come up with is this:

1) Love the people in your life fiercely and tell them often.
2) Don't be afraid to take the hard stance to do what you have to do for your (and your children's) best interests.
3) Never - and I mean NEVER - let your children learn to drive - it will give you gray hair faster than you can imagine and will cause you to drink copious amounts of wine.

18 comments:

  1. I am sorry for all of the bad things lately. I hurt for you. I am NEVER letting Kaishon learn to drive. Thanks for the tip.

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  2. You got all that right! Thank GOD it was your car, and nobody got hurt. Hopefully it will make him think twice when he's in a hurry next time, because we all know there will be a next time. And I just have to say, as one who has needed my friends to just be there, go to the memorial service. You don't have to say anything, but just FYI, what helped me the most is just people saying, "I'm so sorry." There's nothing anybody can do to make it better, but friends help so very much.

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  3. I think the right thing to say to your co-worker is what you wrote here. It is the truth and straight from your heart. Having lived through too many deaths in the last 8 years I can tell you that nothing you say will make him feel better but to say nothing will make him feel worse.

    Glad Man-child hit your car and no one who would expect y'all to pay for repairs.

    Chin-up girl, it'll get better.

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  4. If anything were to ever happen to Derek - I'd be a total wreck.

    Glad the accident didn't damage the cars. Hopefully they stay that way!

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  5. You've done a great job typing it out, after all those wine causing occasions. Perhaps the bad news will take an extended hiatus since dumping so much on you. I'll cross my fingers.

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  6. Oh mercies, you are having it all at once. I hope life gets a little less fraught now. I am drinking right along with you as Laura my eldest daughter is learning to drive, this is a child that has trouble co ordinating walking, so it's interesting, to say the least xxx

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  7. I have never passed my test which is probaly a good thing seeing as I drove my dad and my best friend into a wall!!
    Your co-worker will know it hurts and he will understand that there is no right thing to say!
    BNM

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  8. Sorry you have had such a rough time--hang in there!

    Good advice. Although my Kiddo is already giving me gray hairs and causing me to buy jugs of wine and we still have 8 years before he gets behind the wheel. Eek.

    Take care. It will get better.

    Cheers.
    VB

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  9. Sorry for your loss. I'm on the same page with the love the people in your life! Life is short, be happy.

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  10. I have been thinking of you lately!!!! I am so sorry you have been dealing with all of this.

    You are so right about what we should be doing. Too late for the driving thing though. Mine is going to traffic school soon. Hope it slows him down!

    Sending you hugs!

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  11. When Mo backed into her friends car all I could think was, why do you move the car without looking behind you? Then I almost hit another friends car that was parked in the driveway so I shut my mouth

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  12. Ok. YOu've had your share of crap. So from here on out: no more bad things will happen. No more bad things will happen. No more bad things will happen.
    I said it three times, means it's going to come true.

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  13. So glad that mc's accident was not much. Amen! My son started driving at 16 and had three accidents under his belt by the time he was 3 mos into driving. One was rearending someone (he was following them) thru South Lake Tahoe ... LOL! They didn't sue either. :) Good thing. He used to tell me - "well now I know not to do THAT!" I told him - he's going to get into ALOT more accidents if he has to try them all out. End of accidents! Oh - except that time he was driving MY car which was much lighter in weight than his - and he was looking up at the low lying clouds admiring it in the middle of the night - and then that dang STOP sign - LOL! Stopped in the ditch - oh and it was a T intersection ... OOPS! I just got some things replaced under the car - and left the bumper on (that was scratched) as a reminder to PAY ATTENTION when you're driving.

    Sorry to hear about the loss of your co-workers wife - I'll be praying for you all. Lost my 1st hubby at 26 - it's rough...

    As for the divorcee - UGH! I hope that situation improves - grief and hard hearted-ness causes ppl to do strange things. Tell her how you feel IF it would wake her up?

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  14. It's always so hard to know what to do or say when someone dies!

    Hopefully this will be your son's last accident!

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  15. gigi, i know I am a bit behind...

    I hope your friend's memorial service went okay today. I'm sure it was really hard for you. I am guessing it brings up thoughts of your own or your husband's mortality, esp. since your friend's wife died unexpectedly. It's so tough. I'm sorry.

    And YES MC will learn most quickly through his mistakes. (Says the woman who's learned a LOT through a LOT of mistakes!! hee hee)

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  16. My nephew got in a minor scrape involving slick wet leaves and a too-great confidence in his reaction times. Damage was minor, and I think it was a great thing to have happened. Kids need to be brought up short and if no one gets hurt, you're actually money ahead in the long run.

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  17. Oh my Goodness G... what a week you've had. It always makes me feel so sad when you hear anyone losing their spouse - cannot begin to image the pain.
    And child learning to drive? Lets not go there... I know I'll be a nervous wreck. Still a way to go yet seeing as she's only just turned six! xxx

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  18. Wow! It's been quite a week.

    The story about manchild hits close to home as our son is 15 and will soon be lobbying to drive. I keep reminding him that driving doesn't automatically happen at 16, it's a factor of your maturity and how well you focus.

    The stuff about grey hair? Umm...guess I have a head-start in THAT department!

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