May 25, 2011

Then and Now....

Other than last Friday's's been pretty quiet around here.

I understand this is par for the course when it comes to teens - unless there is something that you can provide to them.  OR you have done them some HUGE injustice like asking them to clean their bathroom or how their day was - then the "drama" is ON.

They hide from you (the parent) unless they want something.  Like gas money.  Food.  Whatever.

I guess it's their way of preparing you for the "empty nest."

But still.  The sudden-ness of it is eerie.  Because I can clearly remember when we moved into our "first" house here we were so excited because The Boy (as Man-Child was once known) had a whole room for just his toys; for "playing" in.  WE, the parents, could actually have a (semi) clean place to live and entertain.  A real, honest to goodness "Play Room!"    The idea was heavenly!

We were giddy with the excitement of it all.  No more toys strewn throughout the house for us to trip over and curse.  A place where The Boy could go and play while we had an area in which to be relaxed and grown-up.

It was an exciting time.

He hated it.

The whole idea of a Play Room repulsed him.

Toys were constantly retrieved FROM the Play Room and brought downstairs to be played with - never to be brought back upstairs again - until threats of throwing them away were brought out.  And the tripping and cursing, once again, commenced.

Apparently, he felt the need to keep us in constant eyesight.  As if he were afraid that we might just disappear if we weren't RIGHT THERE.


There are constant "reminders" that he still lives here.  Empty glasses with the icky remnants of whatever he was drinking left in random (and I do mean RANDOM) spots around the house.  Clothes discarded willy-nilly.  Bits of stuff that can only be classified as "trash" that is apparently too difficult to actually put in the trash can.

Now?  Most of the time he can be found hiding out in his room - far, far away from us.  It's like he thinks we are contagious or something....

And lately (especially since realizing that I haven't actually laid eyes on him in the past three hours or so-whereas before he'd have been at my knee begging for attention) I've been getting the distinct feeling that if he had his druthers we WOULD just disappear.

Until he needed something.

Like gas money or food.


  1. Think maybe you'll eventually reach that happy medium where you both want to see each other but you don't need constant attention? Some day, some day.

  2. Oh, the trials and tribulations of separation from being a child to being a man, and from being a constant parent to being available when required. I remember it well. A time of constant painful confrontations... and then he moved out and I wished for anything that would bring him back. When he came back, I wished he would leave again... it's a tough time, and I hope it works out for you better than it did for us.

  3. Oh girly, how I hear you on this. With two 20 somethings in the house and two under 10, I am in both stages at one time. Both stages are challenging and I am trying to remind myself constantly to enjoy the toys, the mess, and the constant chatter in my ear.

    Hang in there. You're still wanted and you're still loved.

  4. Yup, I can relate. Someone used to tell me... if you've done your job as a parent and raised them to be independent, there does come a time when they don't need you... MUCH. (that doesn't include needing you for money or babysitting, seems there's always a need for that)

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  6. Oh Darlin, I'm right there with you. Between work and school I never see Mo. Of course, let me make plans and that's the one night she will be home. Then I get the guilt trip about how she planned to spend the evening with me but I always have something "better" to do. That usually means all her friends are busy and the boyfriend is working so I'm her last resort.

  7. Wow sister, you have had SOME time of it. Sorry things have been sor crazy for you!! My guys are so small still, it's hard to timagine the days when they will avoic me like the plague. It will hurt, I think.

  8. Shouldn't that boy still be at your knee, thanking you for your help and apologizing for the recent incident???

  9. LOL. SO true!!

    I disappeared right after my senior year, rarely ever to return...
    mostly for laundry

  10. Kids are sometimes like that forever! Then all of a sudden they grow up!

  11. Yep -- the standard teenage drill. I guess one could say that he is psychologically preparing himself to fend for himself. Or my preferred answer: He is just being a stupid teenager.

    And they are all like that at this stage of the game.

  12. I think you just gave me a glimpse into my future. Had a few words with my 12 year old yesterday...this was a first and I hated it. Then she wanted to hide in her room? Nope. I know before long this nest is going to be all too quiet. Bring on the noise!

  13. I remember being in my room a lot as a teenager. I think I was playing video games.