May 3, 2011

Talk To Your Kids...Today.

After the highlight of my day yesterday, I was brought to the deepest depths of sorrow as I received horrible news from a friend of mine.  I cried and cried and cried.  My little family had never seen me in such a state.  I have to admit though, they came through and comforted me to the best of their ability.

I'm sure the copious tears were a culmination of events in addition to the horrible news.

You know how you feel after waking up from a crying jag?  No?  Is that only me?  Well, today I awoke to that awful feeling of hollowness and a stuffy head from all the crying.

Then I read the paper (I have GOT to quit doing that!) and discovered that a local boy who has been missing, thought to have just "taken off" out of a fit of anger, was found dead - in an apparent suicide (it hasn't been confirmed yet though).  It seemed that I wouldn't be shaking off that hollow feeling any time soon.

I guess the reason this struck me so much was that he is local, he's about the age of my son and the fact that one of my co-workers knew the boy and his family well.

Needless to say, today that hollow feeling has been with me all day and I've been on the verge of tears - all day.

I remember well what it was like in high school.  I remember how even the most insignificant faux-pas could be devastatingly mortifying.  I remember the magnification of EVERY. SINGLE. THING.  I remember the cruelty - the "us" and "them" attitudes.  The "ins" and the "outs".  The teasing; the taunting.

And to think, I remember all this and I wasn't even picked on in school!  I was just kind of ignored.  I had my little circle of friends and it was okay.  

Then you add in the cell phones with cameras, social media, YouTube - all the various ways that your mortification can be immortalized and shared on the world-wide web.

As much as it sucked to be a teenager way back when - it must be a hundred times harder today.

From all reports, this kid was well-liked.  Didn't have problems in school; had plenty of friends.  And yet....something apparently made him think this was the only answer.

My heart bleeds for him.  For his family.  For his friends.

Also, needless to say, we will be taking the time to talk to our son.  To remind him (again and again and AGAIN) that no matter the problem, no matter the anxiety, no matter WHAT - that suicide is NEVER a remedy.  There is always a solution to whatever you may be facing.  It may not be easy, but there IS a solution.  We will take the time to remind him that even if he feels he can't come to us - there are plenty of people he can he can talk to that love him and support him.

So, tonight, I ask that you keep this family in your hearts and TALK to your children.  Remind them of just how precious life is and how that there is always a better way to resolve your problems.

As for my friend? Well, we are waiting and hoping for the best of outcomes - and, if you can find room in there, please keep her and her family in your hearts as well.

Much love.


  1. I just talked to Kaish about it. He said he would never hurt himself. I told him that things will get harder as he grows older. I told him he can always call someone when he feels distressed. We made a list of his call options.

    I am sorry for your distressful feelings. That is the worst. I will pray God gives you peace. Love, Becky

  2. You did not say what the news or culmination of events, were, but I do hope you are feeling better.

    I've typed a ton here and deleted it. Just know I have you and your friend in my thoughts and prayers.

  3. You know what's crazy? A guy I went to HS with who was in his mid-30's with a beautiful daughter in 2nd grade killed himself in my town last month. I just don't get it. Suicide leaves more questions than answers for those left behind. I'm sorry you are having so much "life" right now. Hang in there and I will be praying.

  4. I simply cannot imagine what it must be like to lose a child to suicide. I am keeping you and your friend in my thoughts. Blessings...

  5. I'm sorry you are going though this. It's terrifying when something so devastating hits close to home.

    I understand though. Within the last month we have been dealing with similar issues with a teenage family member. His parents called us one night, frantic because he had told a friend he was thinking about suicide. After days of debate, his parents finally did something right and he was admitted for treatment and now seems to be doing much better. The utter helplessness we felt being states away led to so many sleepless nights.

    Hang in there...

  6. OH I am so so sorry to hear of your news. Hugs to you and yours. No mother should have to endure that kind of pain...

  7. I had a friend who committed suicide just after graduation. His life was good, he was liked. It didn't make sense. Many years later, his parents are still on local adds to aid in teens with depression. I feel it every time.

  8. It is so sad that so many of our children just don't see another way. As the mother of a cutter ( hopefully that is all in the past) these things hit so close to home. Where does this pain come from and how do we prevent it? Lots of good wishes for your friend as well.

  9. Great advise to pass along, Gigi.
    A little reassurance with your teenager will go a long way.

    A cadet friend of Sean's went missing a few weeks ago. They suspected that she had run away from her foster home as she had done it before. Luckily they found her a month later and she agreed to return to a new home.

    Hope all is better with you now.

  10. Thinking of you! The teenage years are so very hard on kids!

  11. The pressures of today are immense and suicide has become so prevalent among teenage boys. Such a worry, so sorry you are in pain ( I know I'm a bit late to this, sorry) X