How is it that I can be SO proud and yet so heartbroken at the same time?

The decision has been made.

If you follow me on Twitter (which is a totally pointless thing to do since I rarely tweet anything worth reading), and you have been counting you will know that Man-Child has been accepted to all the colleges he applied to last year, including the Number One school on his list.

Yes, we are very proud.  As is he.  Then it came time to make a decision.

He immediately ruled out two (and I breathed a sigh of relief.  Mainly because I didn't think the one would be a good fit for him and because the other one is more than three hours away!).

Secretly, Hubby and I were hoping for one school - even if it meant more money - because it is only an hour away - maybe less (depending on who is driving).

He continued to flip-flop between the two.  I even offered to take him back to both schools so that he could refresh his memory of both campuses.  He put me off - apparently it was too heart wrenching for him to spend the day with me sobbing and hanging on to his ankles crying "PLEASE don't leave me!" again.  Apparently, the first time around was really tough on him (if he thinks that was bad then maybe I shouldn't be the one to drop him off when the time comes?)

Last week, he claimed to have made the decision.  After all the waffling, I didn't believe him.  But today he made it perfectly clear.  He wants to go to the school other than the one we were secretly hoping he'd pick.  It's about two to two and a half hours away (depending on who is driving).

I have reminded him again about the beautiful school(s) we have right here IN town.  AND I even offered to drive him to school every day.  He wouldn't even entertain the idea.....the ingrate.

So I guess it's really happening.  Tomorrow we are sending off his acceptance and the deposit.  And by August he will be gone.

Out of the house.

Not here.

We will be alone and looking at each other and wondering what we will do now.

Little did I know that sending him off to kindergarten looking like this.....

All cute and sweet

 Would, twelve short years later, lead to this.....

All handsome and eager to jump ship

How are we supposed to adjust to a household of just two?  After seventeen years of having him here?  After seventeen years of "Mom!  Can you....?"  "Mom!  Will you....?"  "Mom! You HAVE to...!"

(oh sure, there were some "Dad!  Can you's" thrown in there - but not nearly as many, by my count).

After all these years of being US.  Being OUR little family.  We are now supposed to somehow just let him go?!

Pour me some wine and hold me.  I don't know how I'm gonna make it through this; especially now that I see it's really gonna happen.  He's really going.

And he will do great.  And he will be fine.  He will succeed and become the man that he is meant to be.  The man that we have spent seventeen years raising.  And he will make us even more proud.

But my heart?  My heart will never be the same.

Cutting those apron strings and telling him to fly is going to be the hardest thing I've ever done.