What's your Red Dress?

If you haven't already "met" her, I want to introduce you to Jenny. 

Source

Jenny is another Texan gal, so of course she is fabulous.

Jenny is totally funny and irreverent (I'm sooooo not kidding - be warned) and fun and kinda crazy.  She also has a heart of gold, is a beautiful person and is an amazing writer.

When she wrote this post today, I knew I had to share.

http://thebloggess.com/?p=7069

I don't know about you - but I'm now looking for my red dress.

Apparently there is some little jezabelle running around trying to steal my son's heart.

Okay, so that's just the Mama-Bear in me.  It might not actually be real.  But time will tell.....(and if my recollection of high school girls is right.....)

Apparently, Man-Child came home with hearts doodled on his arm last week.  This I did not witness but Hubby did.  And asked MC about it.  According to MC it was just "some girl."  Hubby obviously does NOT have the skills of interrogation. *sigh*  Doesn't he realize he is supposed to be my eyes and ears when I'm not around????

But today he came home with his arm adorned with two hearts.  (What is it with her and drawing on people?  According to MC she is "artistic" which explains her randomly drawing on body parts. Apparently, this girl has a future in the tattoo industry.  I'm thinking her parents may be wasting their tuition money if that is the case......)

"What's this? Who is drawing on you?" you know, all the questions a mother would ask.  I was able to extract a bit of information. 

Including the fact that she has a boyfriend at another school.  And, she could be cute.  And maybe he might be interested if she didn't have the boyfriend.

She better not be playing with his heart - that's all I'm saying - 'cause y'all?  This is my "little" boy we are talking about here. 

That last one?  I knew she was a non-issue from the get go.  This one?  Is located right here.  In the same state.  Possibly (but not likely) in the same town.  Most definitely in driving distance.

Someone pass me a drink - I don't think I'm ready for this......

NO, NO, NO! A thousand times NO!

Guess what I saw when I got home today?

Uh-uh!  No way.  No siree Bob!  Ain't happening.  Period.  End of story.

I told you he was hanging out with his friend-that-is-allergic-to-work too much!!

I had to have time to process this.  You know, because he's still fragile - I can't go completely psycho on him - yet.  Thank goodness they were at the gym - because I might have lost it immediately had he been here.

Lucky for him Man-Child was stuck to us like glue when they got home (how do they instinctively know to do that?).  He stuck around just long enough for Hubby to ask me where his resume was on the computer as he wanted to send it to a contact. 

And I breathed a sigh of relief.

Hopefully, this is about "just in case" and not the beginnings of a mid-life crisis where he needs to "find" himself.  Because between you and me - we don't have time for that.  We have a tuition to pay and this, my friends, is more important to me than anything else.  He knows this 

I know that I am willing to make whatever sacrifices I have to make.  I can quit buying shoes - and just drool over them at the store until security escorts me out the door.  I can limit spending.  I'm even willing to sell the house.  Whatever.  But he will carry his share of the burden in order to keep Man-Child in this particular school for the next two years.  He knows how I feel about this.  College is a different story and we'll worry about it later.  But right now?  THIS IS MY PRIORITY.

I know my husband. And he will find a way to make ends meet. It's all tied up in his manhood and upbringing. He'll do whatever he has to - I know that. It's one of the many reasons I married him.

But, between you and me, this really kind of shook me for a minute.

And right now?  I don't need anymore shocks, thank you very much.

Utterly and totally bored......which can only lead to nostalgia

With the weather being so iffy this weekend, and the fact that we had another teenager for the whole weekend, I didn't make any plans to work in the yard or to do anything else for that matter. 

I have read and read and read.  To the point where I'm actually tired of reading (I know!  Me??).  I have picked kids up; dropped kids off; picked them back up again and then dropped them back wherever it was they needed to end up.  I've read some blogs.  I've done laundry, of course.  And thought.

I remember when Man-Child was small.  Life was absolutely hectic.  Even when we had no plans.  He was a busy little guy and there was always something going on or something to do.  Go to the park!  The library!  Ice cream!  Lunches to be made.  Come play with me mom!  Read to me!  Listen to me read.  Look at me!  See what I can do!

These days, life isn't as busy.  I'm not being asked to take him to the park and play.  I'm never asked to read to him or play with his "guys" (super hero figurines) or legos.  To kiss his boo-boos and make them better.  There are no more nap times, bath times and bed time routines.  Now, about all I do is run a taxi service.  And occasionally, help him figure out what he's doing wrong with the computer when a homework assignment is looming.

It's kinda sad.  For so many years, we've been mommy and daddy.  Now, we are just mom and dad.  Not as necessary as we once were.  No more are we the heros.  The ones who had all the answers and could always fix it - whatever "it" was.

And I know it's just going to get worse.  Once he has his license (and a car) we will be totally on our own.  And then there is college just a few short years down the road.  What will we do then?  How will we fill the time? 

It is apparent - I am going to need a hobby.  Something to keep me busy. 

I know I'm supposed to embrace the man he is becoming.  And I do.  Most of the time.  I know I am supposed to cherish each phase as it comes.  And I do.  Most of the time.  I know I'm supposed to relish the freedom that comes with him growing up.  And I do.  Most of the time.

But sometimes, like today, I really, really miss being a mommy.


Now that I've depressed the hell out of myself - I guess I'll go find something useful to do.....

TGIF, y'all!

Let's put this week to rest once and for all!

We all know how this week started (well, actually how last weekend started....) but now lets take a quick look-see to see how it ensued.

Hmmmm.  Most of it pretty boring.

Very boring, in fact.  So boring there were several times when I was in danger of falling asleep at my desk and slamming my face into my keyboard, risking a permanent tattoo of the alphabet (in QWERTY-fashion) across my forehead.

But today?  Ah, today was anything but boring.  For many reasons, but here is the one I've decided was most blog-worthy (do y'all do that too?  Go about your day thinking, "hmmm, is this event blog-worthy?  No?  How about this one?"  I do that all. day. long!)

Today my car got serviced. 

It had been doing an awful shake and shimmy when I happened to creep up past 60 mph.  If I happened to hit 70?  Well, let's just say it could get kinda dicey.

Admittedly, I've ignored it for a while ('cause really?  I'm driving a tin can with wheels - what else would you expect it to do?).  I finally mentioned it and a curious "fluttering" noise to my guy when he changed my oil last.  He looked into it.  I was more concerned about the fluttering noise, if the truth be told.  I figured it meant my wheel was about to fall off.  Turns out the fluttering noise was nothing - just a funny spot on my tire.  Nothing dangerous. 

Ahh, but the shuddering?  Apparently not good at all.  On many levels.  And?  It would be the reason my tire might fall off - while I'm rocketing down I-40 doing 75 mph 60 mph (who me speed?? No, never!  I swear!).

Apparently my lower ball joint was going - that really sounds like I need a hip replacement and nothing at all to do with a car....

And, apparently, I had it repaired just in time.  According to my guy - if I'd hit one deep pothole this morning.....let's just say it's entirely possible we wouldn't be having this conversation right now.

So a mere $250 later I am apparently A-OK to be rocketing down I-40.

I'll have to test it out tomorrow....

WHAT did I just do??

You simply won't believe it.

I don't. 

Sometimes I truly wonder about my sanity.

I just told Hubby he needs to join the blogging world.

I know!  It's official.  I've lost it.

The one I've kept to myself.  (yes, he knows I blog, but he hasn't seen! He hasn't read! That I know of.....really? If he gave it any thought he could find me easily....)

Apparently, sometimes my mouth runs away with itself.  (see previous posting several days ago about offering to co-host a baby shower during uncertain times - I'd find it, but I'm lazy.)

Hubby came to me today and asked, "Do you know anyone who knows how to build a website?" (in retrospect, I probably do.....).  Apparently, he was thinking about starting a cooking website. 

Me, the ever helpful spouse responded, "Start a blog."  He - who obviously has NO idea what a blog is all about - said,

"No.  I want something interactive, where I can have ads and answer questions."  (I'll patiently wait while you laugh hysterically).  Yet, I persisted.

"You can have that with a blog.  You can have ads.  Blogging is VERY interactive.  You can even buy your own domain name and some people can actually make money off blogging."  He responded with, "What's a domain name?"  I explained it all in detail to him.  And bless me, if he didn't wander away seeming interested.

So, what's the problem, you might be asking?

Well, if he starts blogging - as his beautiful and talented wife I will have to follow him (although I have absolutely no interest in cooking....) and as he is my very manly and studly husband he will have to follow me (although - most of the time - he has absolutely no interest in what I have going on in my head [or so it seems]).

I realize this blog is tame.  There is nothing to hide here.  But it's mine.  If I want to bitch about Hubby and Man-Child, I can - and do.  At length.  If I want to talk about people we know - I do.  And it's nothing new to either of them.  Whatever I say to y'all (mostly) I say to them. 

But it's mine!!

I don't want to share!

But I do want him to find a hobby (I always have - even before the layoff.).  I want him to do something that he loves.  And I really think (especially if he got started and realized how much fun it is) he might like blogging (although I also have a nagging suspiscion that I might be doing most of the typing....).

So what do y'all think?  Should I encourage this -- or leave well enough alone?

The positives & negatives

Am trying to find the positives in having Hubby home all day.  So far, the pickings have been slim. (and yes, I know!  We are only four working days into this layoff.....)

But this morning he took Man-Child to school.  And while that doesn't sound like a big deal, it kinda is.  See, Man-Child doesn't attend a neighborhood school.  His school is about twenty minutes west of our house.  My job?  About twenty minutes east of our house.  (Am trying to think if I got the directions right....) With morning traffic thrown in (and if Man-Child drives - that means we go the back way and stay off the highway because he is nowhere near ready for the morning commute yet!) - all together it's about an hour round-trip for me to leave the house in the morning to drop him off and get to work.  Which I don't mind - most of the time.  But this morning?  I realized, I'd get to sleep in at least another 45 minutes to an hour (well, I would have had someone decided to inform me that he was driving before my alarm went off at the usual time....).  So am currently thinking this should become the new norm for now.  I am currently perfecting my pitch to Hubby.

Another positive - he has dinner waiting.  Okay, okay.  I realize - he's always had dinner waiting and, yes, I know. I don't generally eat it.  BUT - he is trying new things and loving it.  That's a positive for him and Man-Child.

He's trying really hard to work out at least twice a day.  Once in the morning and then again when the Weight-lifting Machine (aka Man-Child) gets home from school.  This can be nothing but good.

He's also planning to get some things done around the house.  Another positive.  But yet a negative.

A negative because that involves spending money.  I know, me!  Freaking out about money....but it's true.  Must mean I'm finally growing up *sigh*  We aren't in a bind.  But I don't want to get into a bind any sooner than we have to, if at all, if you know what I mean.

Another negative?  The house is never spotless.  Because he's home.  Yes, he picks his socks up and puts them in the laundry.  But he doesn't see the things I see.  You know - the clutter.  Like the cooking crap (spices & whatnot) all over the counter.  We have plenty of cabinets and a pantry.  There is no need for that stuff to be left out on the counter.  Drives me bananas.  I walked into the kitchen this morning and immediately saw an entire cabinets worth of stuff left on the counter.  My obsessive self immediately began to itch and curse at the same time.

Don't even get me started on the paper and stuff left on the dumping ground - excuse me - I mean the dining room table!

I remember when I was laid off (or, more accurately, when I quit (but forced them to say I was laid off) since they hadn't paid me for three months...tomato - tahmato) the house was freaking spotless.  The house had never been that clean.  I'm trying really hard to remember - he just doesn't see things the way I do and I  know that in reality? Even when he worked it didn't stay completely spotless - 'cause yes, I do have a teenager that lives here.....and I work outside the home.

The one big, big negative that I've seen so far is that he's bored.  So I know he's hanging out with his chronically unemployed friend.  This guy, although he's a great guy (he really is - in his own way), is allergic to work.  Seriously.  He should have been born a man of leisure.  With his own country.  Anyway.  In addition to being allergic to work - he likes to drink.  A LOT.  But to be fair, he's working hard on this (or so I understand).  So although Hubby has never exhibited any of these traits - I'm worried about peer pressure (for a 50 year old man!).  Because really, wouldn't we all just sit around with our friends and drink the day away if we could?

Which, in turn, makes those things he wants to do around the house?  Well, it turns those back into a positive.  Because that will keep him busy and away from the bad influence.

I know I'm controlling.  I know this.  And I'm trying really, really hard not to point some of these things out as we are still in the early days yet.  So as much as I want to crack out that Honey-Do list - I haven't.  I know he's in a tough place right now (he's still so, so angry). 

But another positive?  He's looking better than he has in years.  The stress and tension are almost gone (unless he starts thinking or talking about the whole thing).  He's not sleeping too well - and that makes him cranky (he actually snapped at me this morning!  Usually it's the other way around as I am the one who is not the morning person around here).  But other than that - he's looking great.  That alone makes all this worth while.

The biggest positive of all?  That once this is over and done with - I feel sure that he will be in a better place.  And we will be a stronger family.

Seriously, I don't want to turn this blog into one big "OMG, Hubby lost his job - whatever will we do" blog.   This blog was started to get the stuff out of my head.  And right now, while it's still fresh?  Well, that's what's in there.  So please bear with me.  Eventually we will return to the normal randomness that is me.

Now that we made it through the weekend – that sick feeling is back with a vengenance (and a surprise ending).

During the weekend, it was easy to forget.  In fact, the weekend was quite normal.  We went to a cookout, chores were completed, etc.

Today, the fact that Hubby is out of work smacked me right in the face.

I was quickly reminded of the fact that when I once again realized - I don’t like having him home during our morning routine.  I tried hard to hide this from him.  I don't think I did a good job.

No, I don’t want to have conversation while I’m having that first cup of coffee and reading the paper. No, I don’t like tripping over anyone while I’m trying to put on my makeup or do my hair, or making the bed, or anything else I might be doing.  Man-Child knows the routine and we pretty much don't even see each other until we are in the car and ready to go.   I’m sure I’ll get used to it....eventually. (even better, let's hope I don't have time to get used to it!)  Although, I’m sure Man-Child definitely appreciated having his dad home as he got a full “weekend” type breakfast this morning.  French toast, sausage, etc.

My email also provided reminders.  I had two in my inbox this morning.  One from a friend trying to coordinate details for a girls-weekend to her hometown in June.  I’ve responded telling her what was going on and that I couldn’t commit.  Bless her.  She immediately responded - swore it was her treat and that she'd have her entire family on the lookout for a job.  Of course, I'm not going to take her up on that.  I'd rather go when I can be sure to pay my own way. 

The other one?  I’m slapping myself silly over.  At a cookout this weekend, I offered to co-host a baby shower for a friend.  Because I forgot!  How could I have forgot?!  I forgot because everything seemed so normal.  So although it's entirely possible that Hubby will be working by the time the shower rolls around - I really need to bow out now - just in case.  I feel horrible about it.

And, I need to quit job-searching.  I need to concentrate on my job.  But I can’t.  I know it’s the control freak in me.  I also know that I am more proficient on the computer and using it to find information; which then leads me to think that he’s missing stuff.  But, I can’t do that during office hours.  Do you know how hard it is to restrain myself? (But, since I typed most of this earlier and am only now editing and tweaking it - you'll be glad to know that I was able to restrain myself.  For today at least.)

We’ve also learned of some things that went on behind the scenes.  It is positively Machiavellian.  Seriously.  And one person involved?  Well, let’s just say that although he claims to be a fine Christian man - his actions say something completely different.  A wolf in sheep's clothing is more like it.  Ah well, he will be un-masked in the near future I’m sure.  Again, I’m arming myself with karma. (Come on karma!!  Kick in already while I am still around to see the results!  Please!)

Hubby is angry.  Very angry.  I don’t blame him.  I understand.  I’m angry for him.  I’ve had to explain to Man-Child that this is a normal reaction.  And that his dad will be going through a lot of emotions in the coming days, as will we all I'm sure.

Once again, thanks for your kind words and support.  It means the world to me.  And this medium?  The ability to get it all off my chest?  That is life-saving.  I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have this outlet.

And to prove that this post isn't a complete downer - I share these:

M-C when he was probably about 9 months old.  It was our first trip to the zoo.  Apparently he had a great time.

Man-Child (about 10 yrs) and a neighbor who adored him; because he was always willing to play whatever she wanted. 

Obviously.

These two pictures have permanent residence on the refrigerator because they never, ever fail to make me smile. 

Oh will he kill me if he ever sees this last one out there for all the world to see......so remember, sshh!  Don't tell him, it's a secret.  Just between you and me.

Open letter to Blogger......

Dear Blogger -

Seriously?  What is wrong with you?

First, way back when, you ate my template and then gave me total grief when I tried to fix it. 

Then, for no apparent reason, you quit updating Blogs of Note (which really, in the scheme of things, isn't a big deal since I've only found ONE blog from there that I love - so yeah, you might want to revise the way you choose some of them.)

Next you decided it would be fun to quit providing me updates to a few of my favorite blogs - seriously, uncool!

Now?  Now, I'm beginning to realize that you are playing with my mind by not posting comments that I make and letting me think I'm following someone - only to realize later that I'm not - even though I clearly remember making the comments AND going through the process of following someone.

I must tell you, Blogger.  I am not amused.

And, just so you know, your whole Help area / forum thing?  It seems to be a waste of time as I've yet to find the answers to any of these issues.

I will (im)patiently await your reply and/or immediate remedy to above problems.

Thank you,
Gigi

P.S. - I've just noticed you've fixed the Blogs of Note thing.  Wow, only two minutes after I hit publish!  Way to go, Blogger!  That's what I call service.  Now let's see how long it takes to fix the other issues.

You guys totally rock! And an update....and oh my gosh, I haven't used this many parentheses in I don't know how long!

First of all thank you all, from the bottom of my heart, for your kind and wonderful words of support.  Mrs. Lovely has even stepped up and agreed to be my alibi should I act on the feelings of murderous intent that I have toward the ex-boss.  You guys are AWESOME beyond words.

When I wrote yesterday's post I was terrified.  When Hubby gave me the news - I can't even begin to describe how I felt.  I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach.  The shock was horrific.  Today's not so bad. I'm a bit worried but not gut-wrenchingly sick like yesterday.  It's amazing how your mind/body can absorb that kind of shock and just move on like, seemingly, nothing is wrong.

Hubby went out with a friend last night and tied one on.  And I don't blame him one bit.  In fact, I was kinda surprised that they made it home as early as they did.  I had planned to sit at home and quietly tie one on; but my dear friend came by (wife of the guy hubby went out with) and we just sat and talked.  And that's what I really needed.

I had thought I might stay home today with Hubby and work through some things.  But when morning came, I went to work.  A couple of  thing factored into this decision.  One - he needs time to de-compress.  His job was very stressful.  So stressful that I figured I could call it murder if he had a heart attack or something while on the job.  And two - what good would my staying home - worrying - do?  Not much.  Oh - and yeah - that whole, annoying problem I have kicked in - it's called a work ethic. *sigh*  So I went to work.

As I mentioned yesterday, the financial situation isn't the best - but it's not too terribly bleak.  So, on that front, I'm okay . . . for now.  And at least, with my company, our health insurance is covered.  One less thing to worry about.

The worst is the uncertainty of it all.  Right now the job market really, really sucks.  We live in a smaller city, town, whatever - where there is not much call for what Hubby does and is really good at.  Then, dare I say it, there's his age.  An applicant of his age and experience is not a desirous choice.  Why?  Because with age and experience you expect/demand a higher salary - so of course some newbie whose salary requirements are lower is much more attractive.  And this is what we think happened here.

Hubby saw a job advertisement listed a few weeks ago that sounded suspiciously like his job.  We joked (can you believe?) about what if it was his?  Then his boss gave some big raises to a few of Hubby's key employees saying that they deserved these raises (although one really didn't (he's a slacker & a complainer) and he'd been saying for the last two years that there was a salary freeze on -so the sudden change of heart?  Suspicious).  Hubby's theory (that we have yet to prove) is that they've hired someone to replace him already - for much less money (and between us? Hubby wasn't making nearly enough for what he did - or for that matter, enough to justify letting him go for "financial" reasons but since his isn't a "visible" position it was probably the easiest to cut) and that those raises were given to keep key people from jumping ship.  Time will tell if that theory pans out.  And if it does?  It will be interesting to see how long the "new guy" puts up with all the crap that this job entails.....

I haven't had a chance to talk to Hubby to see what his state of mind is today.  Yesterday he was scarily calm (sooooo not like him).  But before he went out, I could see that he was getting angry.  Today we've been like ships crossing in the night.  He was still asleep when I left (the residuals of last night I'm sure...) and he only called once (as usual) this morning and didn't stay on the phone to chat.  When I arrived home he was off carting Man-Child to meet up with friends for dinner and a movie.  I think Hubby had planned to join in for dinner (which apparently he did - as here it is an hour and a half later.....).

Man-Child took it rather well last night.  But I know he is worried.  But such a sweet boy he is - he left a note for his dad to find this morning that basically told him how much he loved him and that in the whole scheme of things it was only a job and that he had the important things - us.  I cried when I read it (hell, I am almost crying just remembering it!)  Despite my complaints - and my one attempt to give him away on Twitter (I almost had Brighton Mum-Teenage Angst convinced that she should take him!) - I think I'll keep Man-Child around a bit longer.

So far, I've only told two people - friends from work.  Because seriously?  How do you broach that subject?  "Good morning!  How are you?  Did you have a good evening?  Cute shoes! So guess what...."  Talk about an instant downer.  But the amount of support from them (and y'all) is amazing.  It's funny, both of them immediately suggested that Hubby should do something that involved cooking (yes, they've tasted the culinary delights that he's been known to produce).  Who knows, maybe this will lead him down that path (although he doesn't have the "training" for it).  God knows, he couldn't run a restaurant - too much pressure, but catering on a small scale maybe? 

So, at this point, who knows what the future holds.  But this much has been determined, with the love and support of friends (yes that includes you) and family, we will face it together and we will be fine.  We WILL be fine.