Friday it was at least 95 degrees (as near as I can figure - and that's not even counting the "heat index" which surely made it feel like it was 150).
So needless to say, I was not a happy camper when I received a call on my way home from work that informed me the power was out.
But being the ever-chipper, happy camper that I am, I figured it would surely be fixed before I got home. Because despite the heat and extreme humidity there hadn't been any storms (a miracle in it's own right) so why the hell is the power out?
So you can imagine my total dismay when I rolled up the driveway and hit the "clicker" (you know, the garage door raiser thingy) to realize that the power was still out. So NOT a problem. I have a KEY! I unlocked the side door - thinking that this must be about only the second time I've ever used this particular key in the two and a half years we've lived here - and how isn't it funny that with the advent of "clickers" we don't use all those keys we have nearly as much as we used to?
I stumble into the quiet house and immediately go into "at home" mode. Rush upstairs to switch into my "play clothes" (ie, pajamas/shorts & t-shirt/anything that isn't work clothes). Come downstairs to take a look through the mail (all junk. Not only do we not use our keys anymore - with the advent of email, twitter, etc. now we never get any "good" mail- with the exception of a lovely postcard from a fellow blogger.... Usually, now it's all junk and bills). Grab a glass of something cold and sweet (no judging - it IS after 5:00 on a Friday), scoop up the computer and head for my "happy" place (the back porch).
While I am busily logging on, I think "knowing Hubby as well as I do - I'm sure he didn't call the power company because he was sure someone else did." He didn't. I also know that if you call, they will give you an estimated time before you can expect it to be restored.
I attempted to log on to the local power company's website to get the number (what? Use the phone book? You mean that thing that is being used as a doorstop?). Nothing. All I receive is that annoying message that says some random thing about this website isn't available, blah, blah, blah. I tried another one. Same thing. Panic set in. I may have even sent a desperate tweet.
Then I realized, the all mighty router that gives me wireless access is plugged into the wall! But then I had a brilliant thought. I had my cell phone. What would we do without our "smart"phones?
I quickly located our local power company's website and the "special" power outage number (which by the way OUTAGE, is one letter away from OUTRAGE....just so ya' know). I wrote the number down (what? Have you NOT met me? I can't even remember what I wore to work today-much less the ability to remember a phone number! And it's a good thing I wrote the real number down).
But guess what? If you have a Blackberry (or any other phone with a QWERTY keyboard) - and if you attempt to dial 1-800-POWERON (which is the way they try to get you to remember the number) you automatically "thumb type" the P on the QWERTY board - which is soooo not the same as P on a landline....FYI.
It doesn't work. Then you attempt to remember what number is the P on a "real" (i.e. landline) phone (it's 7, by the way-yes, I did "research" for you! You are welcome). You can't. So you look at the "real" number that you wrote down.
You type in the number only to receive an automated voice messaging system (they are the spawn of the devil) which asks if you are trying to report an outage at xxx-xxx-xxxx. Which no, you are not, since this is your "smart"phone and not the landline that is tied to the address. You pick the option to enter in the special landline number. You do - but you put in the wrong number since - hello? - how often do you actually call yourself? You hang up and try again. And again, getting the landline number wrong.
Now you are more than a little frustrated (and hot). So you go inside and grab the cordless to try again. But guess what? The cordless is also plugged into the wall which also means that the cordless will not connect, particularly since this cordless phone's battery won't hold a charge - which hasn't been a problem until now because we all have our cell phones.
Taking deep and calming breaths you march upstairs to where the lone, old fashioned phone is - only to discover that it has a horrible connection and no matter how viciously you punch the #1 it will NOT REGISTER on the automated voice messaging system.
By this time, you are fit to be tied (which is a nice way of saying, you are in a rage-as in Outrage - again, only one letter away from Outage). You march back downstairs and grab your "smart"phone and try again. After furiously cursing all the way - to the endless amusement of your Hubby. Eventually getting it all keyed in properly and then the automated system asks "Are you reporting an outage at 123 Main Street? Press 1 if this is correct and 2 if this is incorrect." NO! That is not my address. Press 2 whereupon you are told to hold for a human since the automated system can't assist you (of course it can't - it's automated and I'm human - we have two totally different issues). While you are waiting, wonder how come the folks at 123 Main Street don't receive your electric bill.....finally, you are rewarded with a human voice. Who then informs you that "Why yes, there is an outage (not to be confused with an outrage!) in your area. It is expected to be repaired by 8:00 pm."
8:00 pm??? Are you kidding me? In this heat?
You are barely civil as you grunt out the words, "thank you" (because you were raised right. You say "thank you" instead of yelling - "are you freaking kidding me - where do you live? Because I'm coming to stay with you until this is fixed?!" Which I may, or may have not, been guilty of on occasion (not necessarily this occasion, but an occasion where I may have been expecting a bunch of people in just a few hours after being without power for days....).....again, no judging, because if you were in the same situation...well, you'd do the same! Admit it.)
In the meantime, Hubby (being the hero that he is) fires up the generator (making sure to connect whatever it is that he needs to connect to make sure the internet and the fans are up and running-he knows me so well) and restores the internet connection.
All is right with the world. And that post that you had in your head - the one that was supposed to re-count all the things he does to irritate you (prior to said outage/outrage?) It's gone. Because "he" has saved you. You now have internet (and fans)!
But then?! (What? You thought this saga was over????)
Man-Child comes home. And, being the mother that you are - and the fact that by now you are just exhausted - when Man-Child asks for the computer for "one minute" you cave.
Well, you end up with a post like this - three days later.