August 9, 2011

Mulling over office politics.....and sucking you into it, by default

After a conversation with Hubby last night, I've been wondering....

First, since I try to stay away from office gossip here, a bit of background - the Big Guy in my department is getting married.  This really isn't news to anyone, we've seen it coming.  And, as you may remember, he has recently become one that I actually report to (even though it's all been shrouded in mystery and is hush-hush - because GOD-FORBID should anyone speak it aloud-you know, now that I think about it, I don't think even HR knows....).  Granted, I reported to him before, technically, in a distant sort of fashion - as in my bosses reported to him - but now, he has been gathered into the fold, you might say, and now I report to many; including him directly (actually, they report to me, they just don't know it yet).

So anyway....we knew he was getting married.  And we were happy for him - because if  he is happy - then, by default, don't we benefit in some way??

When the "Save the Date" cards went out we all kind of knew we were invited; because, otherwise, why else would we have received them?  To taunt us?  But no one really discussed it - because it was MONTHS away and (heaven forbid!) what if you DID discuss it with someone and they hadn't received the "Save the Date" card?

As a quick aside - don't you love the idea of "Save the Date" cards?  It gives you so much time to plan!  Theoretically, I haven't even BEGUN to figure out what I'm going to wear to this thing!

This weekend, we all received the OFFICIAL invitations.  Needless to say, it was the buzz among the peons in the office this morning.

One woman came to me and asked if I was going.  I responded that I was going, of course - (I didn't tell her this but, yeah, I'm going; because:  One - he thought enough of me to actually INVITE me to a very intimate and personal ceremony; Two - because there will be an open bar (I KID! I KID!) Three - he is my BOSS and he actually thought enough of ME to INVITE me [and Hubby, but not Man-Child, odd I think, as he isn't small and would like to meet some of the people I work with] to this very intimate and personal ceremony and Four - did I mention the food that is going to be served is AMAZING?  Hello?!)  So, yes, I'm definitely going.

She then informed me that So-N-So and so-n-so weren't planning to attend.  My mind was kind of blown at that point.  I understand that So-N-So and so-n-so have had their "issues" with the Big Guy in the past.  I get it; I do.  But seriously?  I then informed this woman that she HAD to attend - in no uncertain terms (mainly because I do need a friend to hang out with at this shindig!  Besides Hubby, that is, because he will wander off.  I know him).  She agreed, uncertainly. So uncertainly, in fact, that I'll be surprised if she shows up.  But, upon further reflection, knowing her, she'll show up out of obligation and guilt.

As I was explaining this all to Hubby (it's intricate, I know.  But somehow, he followed it all) he was flabbergasted that they weren't attending.

It seems to me that, if you are on the "outs" with the boss, it would behoove you to show up at a personal event (you know, one that I won't be doing an expense report for) that he invites you to as it seems that he is "trying" to extend an olive branch and that he would like you would take it.  What really strikes me though, especially with these two, is that they are smart, professional women who have been around the "corporate block" a time or two don't realize this.

Yes, there is a time to "stand your ground" and then there is a time to be gracious (I mean, seriously?  You should see this menu and the venue!).  And, personally, I feel they are being a bit petty.  Is it just me?

To be fair, I haven't gone into all the "issues" that surround this situation, and I know emotions run high, but's this guy's WEDDING day!  And he has invited us to join in his joy.  So, putting the menu (and open bar - I KID!  I will NOT get drunk at my boss' wedding - what do you guys take me for? An idiot?) aside, wouldn't you want to celebrate the happiness of another?  But on the other hand, I haven't been treated the way they claim to have been treated.

So what do you think?  Should they put aside their differences and attend?  Or should they hold their "moral" high ground and not attend?

Let me throw THIS in the mix, one of the ladies in question actually lives about an hour and a half away (possibly two hours considering the venue).  So her?  Her, I can almost see not accepting - just on distance alone.

So tell me, what say you, Blogland?


  1. Magic words- food and open bar- I'm totally in, as a matter of fact, I would like to take one of so and so's places, see if you can swing that for me will ya? Anyway, I think unless a prior obligation keeps you from attending, you should attend. It is the right thing to do, and, hello? Free food! We had a situation like this recently. A man that my sister's and I have been friends with for over 20 years got married and because he did not make it to one sisters bbq two days before the wedding, that sister refused to go to the wedding. Ummm, really? A bbq? And, this was our friends first wedding, yes, he waited until he was 40 to find his Miss Perfect. Needless to say, my other sister and I were more than a little embarrassed to be related to her.

  2. Unless these women have had an affair with the Big Guy, I think it would be nice for them to attend. If they have had an affair, and are bitter, staying away is understandable... that whole woman scorned thing, you know. (just kidding)

  3. Yeah, it's a tough one to comment on without knowing the history behind their dealing with each other. Though as Ms. A noted, unless they've been having an affair it would be prudent to attend.

    I'm of the mind that folks should compartmentalize their work and personal lives. So you don't get along at the office...if the guy thought to invite you to such an important event you (they ladies) should seriously consider laying aside the office crap for a day and go (and eat your face off).

  4. OK, don't really have an answer but I know if I was looking for a raise, promotion, or even just trying to keep my job I'd show up.

    So get this- you're discussing work relations. My sister didn't go to my other sister's wedding. You want to talk drama, I can do DRAMA. Hahahaha.

  5. I would go. Of course. And I would carefully choose whatever I needed to wear to make myself look my best. And I'd indulge in the food and drink, just enough! This is what you are going to do, right?

    But again, it's personal, so if someone doesn't want to attend, it shouldn't make any difference to the others who stays away.

  6. free food and open bar would have me RSVPing. I've worked for bosses that I didn't get invitations to marriages (and that was okay) so if he took the effort to invite, I think unless it conflicted, I would definitely attend and try to enjoy myself! if anything else, look at it as an evening out with you and your hubby!


  7. I think there's no better way to ruin a relationship than to not attend someone's wedding.

    I had a friend that I was on weird terms with when I got married, but I invited her to (as you say) try to extend the olive branch. She didn't show up, and actually sent me a text DURING the wedding that she couldn't make it because she had to go grocery shopping. You can probably guess what happened to our relationship.

    I'm with you on this one...

  8. I think they should go. The boss man may not take it as a slap in the face, but why not go? Food and a chance to hang out with the fabulous Gigi. Sounds great to me!

  9. This isn't a summer party or something skip-able. If your boss invites you to his wedding, you suck it up and go!

  10. The right thing is to go... Holding grudges - sticking to their high ground is just plain immature and silly.. Also, the boss will notice who came and did not... Even if I hated the boss - I would still go... there may well be a little brown on this nose but a job (especially in this economy) is important..

    I've Become My Mother

  11. I think you're right, you really should go. It's almost like a professional courtesy. Aside from the BS, it is a celebration! Right? Think of it as a fun night our for you and hubs. And I'm sure I'm preaching to the choir, but NO overindulging- you do have to work with these people... That being said, carry a camera discreetly for future- ahem- needs... (can u say blackmail?? HEHEHE)

  12. Actually I don't think they should go if they don't want to. Why is it an obligation if the boss invites you? If you are going for political reasons then that's not the right reason to attend a wedding. If you go, you should be going to celebrate someone's happiness and future. If they go out of obligation they will bring the wrong energy to the people around them. But then I'm one of those people who wouldn't want someone to attend an event I threw for political reasons. (I totally suck, I know)

  13. I'm not a fan of weddings! Never have anything to wear:) but if the boss invited me, I would def. good. If these girls are friends of your maybe you should tell them they should go.

  14. This is a tough one. I really, really hate weddings. There is a lot of hugging. And you also have to sit around and listen to people sing, so you should probably take that into consideration.

    Call and ask if the open bar will have maraschino cherries. Those things are awesome. I think if the bar has maraschino cherries, you should go.

  15. I didn't read the other posts before commenting. Did someone already bring up maraschino cherries? Sorry.

  16. I forgot to do the thingy with the email. Maraschino cherries. Don't forget.