So, here's the deal.
We've known this couple for about 11 years or so. We are friends.
I love her - she loves me. The hubbies - they are best buds.
Perfect; right? 'Cause, really? How often does that work out - that couples love each other? Not often. Usually the stars have to be aligned just right and for us - they were.
Now, I have known from the get go - that I could I never be married to this man. He's a great guy. He's fabulous, etc. But, as my hubby? No. One of us would end up being maimed (or even dead in the backyard) - and it wouldn't be me (lucky, lucky him - right?!).
For the past - oh six or seven years - I've seen this coming. And now, finally, I think it's here.
She was over here today - with her suitcase. She's done. We talked. She told me it's over. I told her she was welcome. In the end, she went home - she's concerned about the whole "abandoning the house/kids" issue. I don't blame her. (Although, between you and me? I don't think he knows about that....she totally could have skated on that one!)
My advice for her is sparse - I simply do not have experience in this arena. I've told her in no uncertain terms (several times) - that she needs to do what is best for her and the children. I've told her that I will support her no matter what.
My heart is heavy. I love them all. But, right now? It's the children I'm most concerned about. I made that perfectly clear. I know that there is nasty arguing going on. I know that those children have been witness to it. I know that those children are not happy. I know that she isn't happy. I know that, despite his bravado, that he is not happy. At this point - I think they are toxic for each other.
But those children? That is what breaks my heart the most. Because I can look at those kids and see what all this has done to them. I told her today - that if, they do end up divorcing, that the children would be fine. Why? Because the arguing (which can get really ugly - I know I've witnessed it on an occasion or two) would be done. I know - I remember how my parents were. And when it was finally done? It was a relief.
I can't even begin to imagine the position she is in right now. But - again, between you and me? She needs to send him packing. Those children deserve soooo much more than they are getting right now. SHE deserves so much more than he is giving her. And truly? He deserves so much more. But as things stand right now - they are all slowly killing each other.
And it is breaking our hearts to be watching this from the outside.