March 22, 2010

Do you censor yourself?

I ask only because it seems as if I censor myself A LOT.

Yes, this is an anonoymous blog.  No one I know (in real life) reads it (that I know of.).

No one I know (in real life) reads or follows my (very lame, I know) Twitter account.

But yet.....

I find myself censoring myself.


Am I afraid to face my deepest, darkest thoughts?  Am I afraid to share them?  Am I afraid that they might make me face things in my life that I don't want to?

I was all set to post a Tweet tonight.  All typed out; ready to go.  All I had to do was hit enter.

I deleted it. 

I had a post all set to go.  All typed out.  All I needed to do was hit Publish.

I didn't (and will most likely delete; if I know myself at all).

Why?  I don't know.

Am I that private of a person?

That I can't even share what I am thinking or feeling with people who don't know me in real life?  With people that I know won't judge me? (at least you haven't so far....and please don't start now; right now?  I couldn't deal.  Seriously.)

Apparently, I am.

I've told you before that it's the little things in life that can make me happy.  Well apparently, it's also the little things in life that can make me unhappy or paralyze me.

And at this moment in time?  I am both unhappy and paralyzed.

I'm closing comments, because I can't deal with questions, etc.  I just had to put something out there that states where I'm at right at this very moment; and to just get it off my chest (so that maybe I can sleep....).

I promise; it's not a 10 (on a scale of 1 to 10).  Most likely, it's a 3 that has been blown completely out of porportion (which I've been known to do a time or two.....).

And know that (hopefully) tomorrow, I will be in a better mood. 

And even as I contemplate hitting Publish for this lame-ass post; I question myself.....