Apparently, the older I get the more of a hypochondriac I become.
I line up all my mandatory doctor's visits one after another - just to get them over with as quickly as possible. Except for my dentist - who insists on seeing me at least twice a year - yeah, she likes to throw a monkey wrench into my plan as often as possible.
First up. Eye doctor. This one doesn't bother me. I'm practically blind. I know this. I've known this since about 2nd grade. In order to see, I must visit him.
Next up - mammogram. Sounds fun doesn't it? It's not. Now that I'm officially "over 40" I must go see them yearly. They are very nice people considering the brand of torture they like to inflict. I have heard it bandied about that if men had to have their "bits" tested in this manner that we'd have a kinder, easier way of dealing with it - like an all-over body scan or something. I have a fibroid, a very large one ("that's almost a whole cup size up," the doctor quipped!) that was biopsied a few years ago - just to be sure. Talk about torture. Probably the most terrifying experience I've ever had. But now, even knowing that it's just a fibroid, the thought of going terrifies me. It's the whole "what if" thing. Yeah, like all of the sudden, out of the blue, it's going to decide to be a bitch and metamorphose (why does that word not look right?) into something it's not. It didn't. At least not this year.
Next - my yearly. Which, is definitely NOT fun. But on the plus side I was told today that I don't have to come back for two years now. This one has me scratching my head because I've always been told to go every. single. year. Even my insurance company tells me to go. In fact they send me letters reminding me to go. Hmmm, think it may have something to do with this brand, spanking-new Healthcare Bill???? (just where is that sarcasm font!) Anyway, for days before I go I begin to do an overall body check. Hmmmm, just what is that strange little bump hidden away behind my ear? (an ingrown hair) These headaches that I've been having every day at exactly 3:00 pm - that can't be good. (sinus headaches - take Benadryl and they miraculously go away) Why are my hands peeling?????? (mmmm, a blister 'cause you are a dummy and worked in the yard without wear your gardening gloves) Oh and there's this numb spot in my shoulder blade that only hurts at the end of the day (yeah. Well, you hunch over a computer for eight hours a day, come home and hunch some more. Try sitting up straight.) By the time I get there I am totally convinced that I must be dying. But it turns out I'm not. That I'm actually in pretty good shape for a woman my age, with bad habits, who is as lazy as I am. Yay me! Although she did tell me to exercise. Ugh. Gardening counts - doesn't it? Sure it does!
But the funny part? During the rest of the year if I encounter any of this - I shrug it off as nothing or recognize it for what it really is. But once those doctor visits start to loom.....all bets are off. I never had these thoughts when I was younger.
Back then, I'd breeze into the office and be shocked if they told me something might not be right (pneumonia? Are you sure? 'Cause I feel fine....). Ohh, to be young & bullet-proof again.
And this is why I've blocked myself from visiting WebMd.
Okay ladies, all complaining aside. These are important annual (despite what they are now saying) visits. If you haven't been lately, make an appointment right now and go! As wives, mothers and women in general - we tend to take care of others in our lives before ourselves - but in these areas? It's more important that we take care of ourselves - so we can continue to take care of those that we love.