September 19, 2009

Morning Brings Clarity

As you all know, last night was an extremely emotional one for me.  Morning brings clarity.

Hubby and I are fine.  Just working through a few things.  Just so happened that the phone call came in the middle of our conversation - which made emotions run a little amok.

Although my family is crazy.  Yes, crazy.  I should write a book.  I could make millions.  Anyway, although the majority of them are crazy, my dad has been pretty stable.  Albeit, we've been distant I do love him dearly.  So I will most likely go home for a few days. 

I just spoke to my dad.  As is his usual response to me asking how he was - he said, "Alright, I guess."  Makes me smile.  No matter what the situation, that's always his response.  He said that the stint/balloon they'd put in a few years ago was clogged.  So apparently, they are going to put in a tube(??) from his heart to the artery.  They still don't know what the shadow on his brain is.  One says cancer, another says it could be from blood loss.  When I told him I was coming, he said there was no point since he can't go anywhere and they won't let him go home.  Like, I'm coming to be entertained.  I explained I'd stay with friends and that I just wanted to see him.  He sounded so old.  My heart is breaking.

It's hard to realize that he could possibly pass away.  I like to remember him as the big, strong guy he was when I was small.  That's the image I carry of him in my heart.  As the child, you grow up and go on with your life.  And in doing so, don't realize that your parents are also growing older, weaker and, possibly, sicker.  Once this fact confronts you it slams you to the ground.  Because it's your parents.  In your mind, they are supposed to always be there for you; like they were when you where a child.  Facing that reality is difficult.

Hubby and Man-Child have been totally supportive and wonderful.  We were supposed to take a trip up to Asheville this weekend to see Hubby's daughter.  They offered to stay home with me.  I told them to go.  There's really nothing they can do for me; especially in light of the fact that I'll most likely be leaving.  Both of them have shown me just how much they love me and care for me.  And it makes me so happy to know that our little family is so much closer than my family could have ever been, or will ever be.  They are the light of my life.

So if you believe, please add me and my dad to your prayers.  If you don't, then please send some good thoughts and vibes our way.

Although I've only known some of you for a short time - you guys have really been amazing.  It's fabulous how much you've given me.  Thank you.


  1. Night time is an awful time to receive bad can never see through the fog.
    Glad you have spoken to your dad. Will you have to fly to see him?
    Take care.x

  2. Chic - thanks so much for all your kind words and thoughts. Yes, I'm flying out this afternoon. I will most likely be there for the week as a surgery is scheduled sometime this week.

  3. Bless your heart. I just said a prayer for your strength to endure this storm and I thank you for sharing because it makes me want to go visit my father while I can.

  4. I'm so sorry you have to go through this, and yes you will be in my prayers.