September 18, 2009

Tough Night

This has been a very, very rough evening.

Hubby and I had a difficult discussion.  That was bad enough.

Then I received a phone call from my dad's "wife".  Apparently, he's in the hospital.

Has been for two weeks now.  They really don't know what is wrong.

She called my brother.  We don't talk.  She assumed he would call me.  Wrong.

She finally found my number today.

All I know at this point is there is "shadow" on his brain.  WTH?  They don't know if it's cancer or remanants from a stroke.

I've been crying all evening.  A mixture of it all, I suppose.

I'm not really close to my family.  There have been "issues."

But this, for some reason is devastating to me.  Is it because of the talk hubby and I had earlier that has me so emotional?  I don't know.  I'm generally not that emotional.  Or is it because he's the only "parent" I have left?

I don't know.

I'm not coherent right now.  So I should probably step away from the keyboard.

So - just so you know, if you don't hear from me for a few days it's because I had to fly home. 

Yes, home.  The place I abandoned about 11 years ago.  With no regrets.  At the time.

I don't know what to do.

Should I fly out this weekend to go see my dad?  Should I wait?

Even hubby agrees (wonderful man that he is), that our issues need to be put on the back burner for now and that I need to deal with this.

Update:  No matter what I may have said in the past (or the future), I have two great guys looking out for me.  Both of them, hubby & M-C, have stopped what is going on in their lives to look out for me.  Despite what I may sometimes think, they love me.


  1. Oh ick -- on all fronts. You are not in a fun spot, and I can only hope that you find peace with whatever decisions you come to. I don't envy you. Good luck figuring out what you need to do.

  2. Oh I'm so sorry, worried about you from all angles..
    You have to do what you WANT to do not what you think you should do.
    Thinking of you, take care. x

  3. We have something in common. I'll not try to give advice on this one. I know what I would do/wouldn't do in my situation, but I will keep that to myself.

    Be encouraged my friend and take the time that you need.

  4. I'm so sorry. I'm a bit behind with my blog reading, I do hope everything works out as well as it possibly can under the circumstances x