November 17, 2009

It all comes down to coffee

Oh the life of an office drone.  It sounds so utterly boring, doesn’t it?  Well, let me tell you – life in the office is full of intrigue, innuendo, and other words that I can’t think of right now.

Currently, our little department is fractured.  Well, actually it’s been fractured since before I even arrived on the scene.  We have our side of the hall and their side.  Although our department head has publicly declared that we are not two separate departments – the rift continues and is perpetuated by not only them; but the department head himself. 

But our little department isn’t the only one that is affected by all those words that have totally slipped out of my brain.  Because of the overall lack of communication and the total lack of transparency from the top down – the workplace is swirling with rumors about being sold to our main competitor; or that there will be massive layoffs since Mr. So-n-So was hired under the veil of secrecy.  It goes on an on.

And, of course, there are always the whispered conversations going on about who is sleeping with whom; who is a total slacker; the jackass; etc.

But right now the biggest issue going on at the office revolves around the coffee. 

Apparently, the powers that be decided to switch vendors to save money.  That is all fine and dandy.  Except for the fact that this vendor’s coffee is horrible.  We have decided that this was management’s plan all along.  Bring in nasty coffee and it will in turn cause all of us to quit drinking coffee; thus enabling the management to cut the contract with the vendor and they will have saved tons of money by not having to buy coffee at all (I can hear them cackling now behind their closed doors).  They think we aren’t on to their evil plan.  But being that we have been fairly caffeine-deprived for the last few days (thus the reason that I can’t think of all the words I wanted to use in this post) we have yet to band together to form a revolution. 

The one big flaw in their plan is that without coffee – our brains are slowly turning to mush (you can tell that just by reading this post).  And pretty soon, no one will be coherent enough to do their jobs.  And it will all spiral downhill from there.  Hopefully, someone will realize this in time to save the company; before we are all left penniless and jobless after the company goes bankrupt.

This is what corporate America has yet to realize; it’s all about the coffee.  With the right coffee people have a bit more energy thus enabling them to get through their day to day mundane tasks.  Without the coffee – nothing gets done (at least not properly).  You realize what this means don’t you?  Without good coffee the entire American business system would collapse.


  1. You are so right, coffee is the blood that pumps through the veins of America, without it, commerce comes to a halt, and catastrophe is eminent. Normally, I am stubborn, and I would hold out on principal alone, but THIS IS COFFEE WE ARE TALKING ABOUT. Perhaps you should bite the bullet, and either brew your own at home, or hit up a starbucks.....

  2. Well the vendor has agreed to bring different varieties for us to try - so far we havn't found one that is edible. So in the meantime I've been bringing my Folgers coffee singles (they kinda work like a tea bag). It gets the job done.

  3. Haha.......time to start a revolution I think. ;0)